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Good news…I think?

I went and got my blood work done last week. Which, the gentleman that took the samples was AMAZING! It didn’t hurt at all! I am a major baby when it comes to needles so I was relieved that it went as well as it did. I got the blood work done on Thursday and with Memorial Day weekend I wasn’t expecting to hear anything until late into the following week. They called me Tuesday with the results. I got the voicemail while I was at work and immediately called them back…..why is it that when you really need information from a doctors office and you call back they never answer and you have to wait for yet another phone call????? So, I finally win at phone tag and the results are in! Everything came back normal. The nurse said that they do 12 test with my blood and everything was normal. The nurse said sometimes your body just needs a reminder of what it is supposed to do. So, I guess its good news that everything is normal. It just frustrates me a little; not that I wanted something to be wrong but it would be an answer to why we haven’t had a baby yet. To stay positive, I WAS happy that there wasn’t anything wrong. Then the nurse then asked about my husband and how his sample was going? Well, his sample hasn’t been going at all becuase he needs to contact the VA about if they will allow him to do it there or if he is supposed to do it through the same facility that I am using. I told him that he has to call tomorrow…or else!

I also picked up my Clomid prescription today. I am so excited! I have been looking up a lot on Clomid as well. Good and bad idea. I saw one woman who did a little Clomid Journal of what happen while she was on it and I am going to try to do that as well. Hopefully I remember to write down everything…I’m forgetful! But I see a lot of headaches, migraines, hot flashes, mood swings, etc. so we will see what happens to me! I should be starting the Clomid in a little over a week so we will see what happens. I am hoping to post day by day journal of Clomid! We will see what happens!

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First Doctor Appointment

My first Doctors appointment was last week on Wednesday(05/14/14). I was extremely nervous all day even though I had a feeling I knew exactly how the appointment would go. One of my friends had already gone to an appointment with this doctor. She had been trying for 9 months and said the appointment was a breeze. She walked in, was told to do basic blood work, and was put on Clomid. Knowing this information, I was hoping that this is how my appointment would go.

Fast Forward to the appointment. I go into the exam room with the Nurse and she asks me,” So, Why are you here today?” I explain to her that I needed a PAP…Also, that my husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year and a half and it hasn’t happen. The nurse tells me the Doctor does one or the other, she can’t do both appointments. I told the nurse that I can always reschedule the PAP, my husband came to this appointment so we could discuss a baby, so, let’s make this a fertility appointment. With that decided the nurse said she needed to ask me some questions and that they were a little weird. She begins to ask me, “Do you have trouble walking? Do you have trouble with everyday tasks like shopping? Do you have problems eating? Do you fall a lot? Do you have an bruises?” I responded with, “I don’t have have any bruises…you can check if you want just don’t judge my white legs!” I am the kind of person that tries to make jokes and make people laugh when I am nervous. She said that the doctor would be in shortly and that she would go get my husband. The nurse also told me the undress from the waist down because she may do a pelvic exam. Well, my husband had already said he DID NOT want to be in the room when the doctor did the exam. He said, “I can handle seeing you naked but I don’t want to see someone examine you” LOL.

My husband comes in the room and says, “I have never been so upset to see you with your pants off.” Josh is a jokester like myself. So, the Doctor finally comes into the room and we begin talking. Just asking us questions about my cycles, diet, smoking(which i don’t), health history, and other things. The Doctor then started asking Josh questions since he does already have a child. He brought up his military time and his exposure to radiation. After all the chatting she got down to business. She said that normally what happens is blood work from me, sample from husband, and then a radiation exam(or something like that) where they shoot a liquid in my cervix then take me to radiology to verify Im not “clogged up”. The doctor then says she doesn’t like doing that test unless she has to because it is painful and difficult to schedule. The Doctor then asked if I was opposed to using prescriptions to help…..I know where this is going! Not opposed at all! So, she tells me I have to get blood work done, Josh has to give a sample and that she will give us Clomid. The Doctor then explained Clomid(which I already knew about) and says that her plan is to give us Clomid for 2 months; if nothing happens she will up the dosage and contact an RE. The Doctor also said that if we wanted to we could skip her step and go straight to the RE. I said no to that, I wanted to try the Clomid. After all this the Doctor said she was going to go “take a listen” and for whatever reason my husband and I thought that was the pelvic exam. When we asked her that she said,”No, Im not listening to your uterus…I’m not a uterus whisperer. I can’t tell it to make a baby!” It was hilarious. Both my husband and I started laughing and we both knew she was the Doctor for us. With our sarcasm and our sense of humor we were glad to see that our Doctor had one too!

I left the appointment very happy and Josh did too. I am going to get my blood work done tomorrow and we are still trying to figure out when Josh will give his sample(insurance concerns/problems). I can just hope that all the blood work come back normal, Josh’s sample comes back normal, and we are good to go. So positive thoughts, prayers, whatever you are into send it our way if you can!

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More then a Feeling

Here is the girl coming out in me. Im going to get into the emotional side of things in this journey of mine. Back in the end of 2012 there wasn’t really any bad emotions happening. After a few months when I would get my period I would get frustrated but I would talk with a friend or Josh and I would be fine. One of my close friends(Em*) and I started trying at the same time to have a kid and she got pregnant almost immediately. I was confused because we were both on BC and stopped taking it at around the same time. But as I have read with some people it will take a year for BC to get out of your system and some get pregnant immediately. It was still so early with us trying that I was just very happy for her and there was no negative feelings about her pregnancy. She had a beautiful baby girl in May of 2013. It was so fun for Josh and myself because she is a very close friend of ours. Then as the months went by I would notice more and more of my friends getting pregnant. Every time a new person would announce that they were pregnant all I could think was “why hasn’t it happen to me yet?” Trying, trying, trying, and nothing. I would have my moments…especially around that time of the month. But I will say that I handled the whole situation extremely well up until January 2014. In January it was really starting to sink in that we have been trying for a long time and nothing was happening. We tried every which way: End of ovulation, beginning of ovulation, every other day of the month(my husband has back problems so that one was difficult), every other day of ovulation, majority of the days of ovulation, and whatever other options might have been available through the internet. But we just kept on trying, its just now when I would get my period I would be mad or frustrated that I could’t make this happen. In March 2014 I hit a my rock bottom of TTC(Trying to Conceive). One of my friends(Lynn*), who is also going through fertility problems, was starting a volleyball team and wanted to know if I knew anyone. So, I go to look on my FB to message some friends….almost 10 of my friends where pregnant so I couldn’t ask them…TEN!!! I was feeling pretty down at that point and my husband has just got home so we decided to run to the store. I figured that I was just being emotional because I had started my period(or I was broken as my husband says). So once we get to the store parking lot my husband tells me that Em*, that had the baby that past May, the one who started trying the same time as me, was pregnant with her second child. I instantly started crying. I was so jealous of her. Why was she pregnant? Why am I not? What is wrong with me? “I am put here on this Earth to do one thing and I can’t do it.” Josh just grabbed me and held me in the car. He kept telling me that “You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You can’t get upset every time someone announces they are pregnant. Schedule an appointment with the doctor if thats what you think will help.”  He was also talking about how this effects him too and that it could be him that could be causing us to not have a baby(He dealt with radiation in the military after his daughter was born)! I tried to explain to him that it is different for a woman. Every month I’m reminded that I am unable to make a life, that I can’t do the one thing I want to do, and that I am a failure. On top of already being emotional, I then have to deal with that reality each and every month. He just kept reminding me that we will get this. This WILL happen for us. I was just depressed after that. I couldn’t get out of the slump of feeling like everyone else was pregnant and I wasn’t. I couldn’t handle the constant rejection. I scheduled an appointment with a new highly recommend OB for May 2014. I also had a few friends going through a similar situation(infertility). Almost everyday at work I had a girl with me that I could talk with about all of these awful feelings I was having and have someone not judge me. Not saying “you’re young it will happen”, “just relax”, “keep trying”, “did you try___?”, “Want to barrow my kids they are driving me crazy?” I had that person that I could vent to and not feel like a crazy person. Those few friends I had that could relate to me all got pregnant. So it made me realize that I need to get my s*it together and I need to quit being a Debbie Downer. IT WILL HAPPEN. When I started my period in March and April I was a wreck. Extremely depressed, not motivated to do anything, basically unbearable to be around. I would cry all the time and would just look at infertility things on Pinterest all day. After that I realized that MY APPOINTMENT IS THIS MONTH! I then became extremely positive. I knew that I was going to finally start getting answers. I started my period and no negative symptoms(besides cramps). I was just excited that in a week I will get to go talk to someone and find out what I can do to get us a baby. I am unbelievably optimistic about this appointment and we are counting down the days. This is just a PAP, some questions to figure out the next step, and I told my husband he doesn’t have to come but he said that he wants to be there(love him). So, Wednesday05/14/14. The journey will really begin.

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And so it Begins

So, since all love stories are different I will share a shortened version of ours. My husband and I met while working together at a retail store. He was recently retired from the US Navy and I was just trying to have a job while going to school. We started dating in August of 2008 and four wonderful years later we got married on the same day we started dating. So, after the wedding my husband, Josh, and I started talking seriously about growing our family. We both knew that we wanted to have children together(Josh has a 9 year old daunter from a previous marriage) and decided that we would start trying. So, in September 2012 I stopped taking my Birth Control(BC). We just decided that we weren’t going to prevent it anymore, just let things happen as they would.

We were trying and just having fun. No tracking, no apps, no test, just having a fun with each other. I started tracking my periods after a few months and I would look up on sites when I was ovulating but if we didn’t have sex then it wasn’t a big deal. During that time my husband lost his retirement from the US Navy, we applied for VA benefits in November 2012. While waiting on that, our lease was ending where we were renting, and we decided to buy a house. In February 2013 we decided to stop trying. As in, I “wasn’t” looking up when I was ovulating and still tracking my periods. My husband said he wasn’t looking into things anymore but he would randomly walk into the room and say something like, “I read somewhere that it can take up to a year for you to get pregnant after being on BC.” So, we were trying not to look things up and do the research but we both were. I will say that we did back off on messing around when we believed that I was ovulating but if we did and found out we were pregnant, that was OK too.

August 2013 we bought our first home together. It was very much a fixer-upper but we were/are ok with that.  So, October 2013 I started using an app on my phone to help track the periods and when I would be ovulating. But I was still a little concerned because we still had not heard anything from the VA and I wanted to wait until we were a little more stable. I understand that everyone says there is always a better time to have kids and if you want to wait for the perfect time that will never happen.  BUT I just wanted to wait until we were going to receive the VA money because that would pay our mortgage which meant any extra money could go straight toward savings or other things(baby stuff). After the stress of buying a house was all done and in November 2013 we finally heard form the VA that the funds would be coming in February 2014. So we got back into the game….or the sack!

The trying was still fun but nothing was happening and with how long we had been trying I decided to schedule an appointment with an OB. Which puts us where we are at now. My appointment is next week and I am actually pretty excited for it. I can’t wait to finally start getting some answers.