Well, I started my period……..
I am ok with that, I guess, I don’t really have a choice in the matter. But I am not as bothered as people think that I am. The friends that I have told keep apologizing to me but I’m ok. As I have said before, we are on the path to answers so this is ok for us. We will just try again next month. I already called for my next prescription of Clomid to be filled. So, if nothing else happens I will be back with my Clomid Chronicles Part 2(the sequel, chapter 2, the second) or something like that.
I went to Victoria Secret today(semi-annual sale YAY!) and while I was in the back corner of the fitting room trying on bras when I heard the associate and a customer talking with each other. I don’t remember how it got brought up but the customer was asking the associate how difficult it is to raise a baby without the dad because she just found out she was pregnant. The customer said that she text the father to tell him that today was the first ultrasound and he responded with “I am busy and that’s not my concern. I don’t want to go.” and other statements to make this girl feel helpless. The associate told her how she could do it and how she personally did it and is raising her son with no father. The customer just expresses her concern for the baby and how she is going to raise it without the dad. She was talking about how she is just a part time cashier that live with her mom and has no idea how this is going to work. She the says, “the thought of abortion breaks my heart” and at that point I felt inclined to chime in.
I open my door and begin my speech. I tell the girl, ” I am sorry to ease drop but I got to tell you something. I am not an extremely religious person so just know this is not where this is coming from but if abortion is an option please do reconsider. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 2 years now and I would kill to experience one day of morning sickness. You don’t know what you have until you can’t have it. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you being pregnant and having the dad not care but he may come around. I have heard by multiple men that they don’t REALLY get that they are going to be a dad until the baby is actually here, present, so they can hold it. THAT makes it real! Or he may not come around and if thats the case then you have multiple options: 1. you can keep the baby and he may be around to help, 2. you can keep the baby and make sure you have a support system that can help you and keep you sane and strong, 3. if you decide not keep the baby you can have and abortion, or last 4. you can have the baby adopted. That may be the hardest thing you would ever do, maybe even harder then being a single mom. You would carry for 9 months, go through labor, and have 72 hours to decide if you want to keep the baby or stick with the adoption. You would literally make someone’s life complete and they would never be able to repay you but it would mean the world to those people that could never make a baby but always wanted one. Whatever you decide to do, do it for you. I know we are giving you advice but whatever you decide you need to make sure it is what is best for you. We can tell you every story in the book but every situation is different so, just remember its all about you and what you want. Not what everyone else thinks you want or need. Good luck with whatever you decide!”
I don’t know if I should have said anything. I don’t know if I helped her, if she really listened, to if she even cared but I had to let her hear some options. I am also very happy that I stayed strong, I didn’t cry, and I am still positive about my own situation. I called my husband to tell him my intruding story and he made fun of me for being my mothers daughter. “Your mom would have done the exact same thing.” Besides that he just listened to me and was an amazing supportive husband as usual. If I would have been in that dressing room 3 months ago I would have been crying and wouldn’t have said a word to that lost girl. I am so proud of myself for finally being able to talk about everything that is going on. I used to be so negative and the second anyone brought up pregnancy or babies I became unbearable to be around. Im so happy to be in a good place. I can only hope that in 30 days I get a positive where it counts so I can stay positive.
My Clomid experience was not as exciting as most that I have read about. I still kept a journal of the events even though there aren’t many. So, as I last stated I was extremely excited to start Clomid. THE ANSWER(hopefully) IS HERE! When day one finally came I was ecstatic to start this diary of my feelings, emotions, and everything in between.
8am- Take Pill
8:35- Take Pill
Sorry, nothing too exciting those first 2 days. I was prepared for the things that I had read: headaches, migraines, nausea, mood swings, ho flashes…etc. but I had nothing…Until day 3
8am- Take Pill
3:30pm- Pressure Headache
720pm- Crying/Laughing fit
Headache the rest of the night
So, lets explain what happen. There is a radio station that I love in my area that hold a concert/festival and I was unbelievably excited to go but we had to go to a ticket stop to get the tickets because I knew that they would see out online immediately after they became available. My husband got out of work before me so he went to the ticket stop and had me go home to take care of the dogs. I go home, feed the dogs, let them out, and touch up a little. Before I leave I talk to Josh to verify that I will make it there in time to meet the Radio Personalities. He got there at 5:30(ish)pm and tells me that we are number 580 something and they are only on number 200 something so I have plenty of time to get there. The place is only about 20 minutes away so I leave at about 6:50pm. I get a call from Josh at 7:10pm and he says he ran into some of our friends and they are going to give him one of their number tickets(everyone got a number when they walked in and with that number you could get up to 8 tickets so they could give up a number.) They gave him number 400 something and when he called me he said they were on a high number 300 something. So, I get to the place at 7:20pm and while walking up to the place I see Josh* and our two friends standing at the front door with the tickets. I was furious! I was done at that point and just wanted to leave so we walk to the car and once we get to the car I start sobbing. I said to Josh, “Why do you get to meet all the famous people, I never get to meet famous people? I am such a better fan then you are too. I listen to them everyday and you got to meet them…thats not fair!” Then I start laughing while crying because I realize how ridiculous I sound. Josh looks at me and says, “Oh, I wasn’t prepared to handle this right now? You are crying and laughing like a serial killer…oh man!” That definitely made me laugh more! After about a half hour of my unpredictable emotions I calm down and we got home.
8am- Take Pill
8am- Take Pill
I realized that the only reason I had the crazy Day 3 that I did was because something happened. Every other day was just a normal day and nothing really happen to get a reaction out of me. BUT Day 3 with everything that happen I normally would have just been bummed out that I didn’t get to meet them then be done with it but because of the Clomid it amplified that emotion by a billion and made me a crazy person. Its funny now looking back at it all but I am grateful that the Clomid didn’t effect me that bad. Now to the fun part as they all say(until “they” try to have a baby and it doesn’t happen). So, time to get it on and see what happens!