4

Give Me a Break…Unfortunately

My weekend was fantastic…not really! Saturday my friend was having a party and we were getting ready to go. I found out my period had started the worst possible way, with my husband, that was extremely humiliating and embarrassing. Then I am leaving the bedroom and find out that my laundry room is flooded by my hot water tank that decided to break. Appropriately, we spent our Saturday night cleaning our laundry room. Sunday morning we ran to Home Depot to get a new tank and find out about installs. The extremely helpful worker told us”….I’m not sure but if you call the number on the box(proceeds to look at the box) 1-800-homedepot they should be able to help.” While we are still in the store I call the number. I get to an associate who starts taking my information after I tell him what I am looking to do. After he takes my information I ask him for prices for the install and he says,” I don’t have an answer for that but I can take down your number and have them call you with an answer…they will probably call you sometime tomorrow after, like, 5pm. It would probably be better for you to just call back tomorrow.” I tell my husband that and he asks if there is any way we can just get an appointment and go from there. I ask the gentleman on the phone that and he says, “I actually can’t set up appointment but I can put you in the system and they can contact you for appointment times tomorrow or you can just call tomorrow, that will be faster anyway.” Well, thanks for all of your help mister man on the phone. We then buy the tank and some supplies to head home. Josh thinks he can figure it out but it was more then he could bargain for. We contact my step dad who came over to help us out(Thank God!) Unfortunately, we all missed the whole Browns VS Steelers Game…but at least we won!!!!! Thankfully, I had Monday off for the bank Holiday so I was able to catch up on my laundry. It was a great weekend.

Saturday I started, kind of. I wasn’t supposed to start until Wednesday. It abruptly showed up(unwanted) for Saturday night, was gone Sunday, then came back with a vengeance today. My back starting right below my shoulders down to the lower back is killing me. I have a headache and my right side is kind of bugging me as well. The joys of being a lady, Im over it!

As I have stated before, this was out last round of Clomid. No more Clomid. So, what’s next? Well, My plan is simple. I am taking a break from all this through the Holidays. I want to focus on paying down so medical and dental bills that have accrued over the last year. If and when we decide to move forward with insemination or other testing or whatever its going to be expensive. We might as well start paying some things down over these next 3-4 months while we don’t have anything going on. My next major dentist appointment is already scheduled for the end of January and we can just continue with my testing in February. During that time I am going to focus on ME…and my house. We still need a new roof which is priority #1 with the house. Then the other things: New carpet, new bed, new furniture, painting, etc. Repairing a house is a never ending battle. In January or maybe even February I will contact my GYNO to ask her for some test to be done. I am going to do more research but I heard that getting the same procedure done by an RE or an GYNO, it is cheaper by the GYNO. If any of you know if thats true let me know? I want to get the testing for Endo and I would like my Thyroid checked as well. My Mother-in-law, who is a nurse, suggested that because of my concern with my weight gain. During this break I am considering getting a second opinion on my situation as well(RE or GYNO). My Mother-in-Law also agrees with that. My husband doesn’t agree but said that I can do what I want. I might look into more at the facility I go to now or I may use a different one. That I am not sure of as well. I am basically going to be doing research on my break and making decisions after the Holidays. I am also going to track my periods too but no ovulation kits, pregnancy test(unless really late), and trying not to plan sex. I don’t think that will be a problem but sometime both myself and my husband catch ourselves counting when we should even before we were on Clomid.

I am sad. I was crying on the way home yesterday and almost broke down at work today when a customer brought in her 9 week old baby girl. Its rough knowing that Im still not pregnant 2 years later. Yet another Holiday season with no baby, baby bump, or baby announcement. My birthday is in December as well and it would be the ultimate present to get pregnant, to know Im going to be a mom. That’s all I want is to be a mom. Therefore, to make that happen I have to get it together. Any advice on that feel free to share. I am up for any suggestions at this point. Send good vibes my way because during this break of mine my best friend Em* is going to have her baby, her sister-in-law is going to have her baby, I just found out another friend is pregnant, and Amber* is going to have her twins. I will be surrounded and though I am thrilled for all of them it doesn’t make it any easier for me. Send this girl some strength!

1

Babies Babies Babies

Last weekend was exhausting and full of babies and kids! I was never so grateful for this weekend to be over. Don’t get me wrong; I love my friends and their kids. But when its your dream and you have to be surrounded by it for a weekend, it can be a little much.

Saturday was Mine and Josh’s day. We went to a Flea Market in the morning, a local one I had never been to before, which was a good time. We didn’t find much but it was a fun and rather interesting experience. After that Josh’s back was hurting so I dropped him off at home then went to Sprint(cancelled my Verizon) to get a new phone, S5 which I love so far.  After 2 hours there I had to rush home because we said we where going to be at our friends house at 4PM, it was 345PM when I got home, and there house is 20 minutes away. The reason we were going to visit that friend because she had her second child(a baby girl) in July and we hadn’t seen her yet. Every Infertile knows that babies are the roughest to see. Toddlers can be rough too but newborns and babies are the hardest to be around. Now, this little girl is adorable and a spitting image of her Daddy. And her smile…melts the heart! The visit wasn’t going that bad. The friend that had the baby is a nurse so I was chatting with her about everything that has been going on with me. Even she was curious as to why more hasn’t been done and that I have only received Clomid. But with the break coming we are holding off on what is to come. We chatted for a bit and she then informed me that Em* was coming over. With her 34 week pregnant self and their one year old. Em* is my best friend but I knew the second them two got together it was going to be all about pregnancy stuff. Which it was for a while. It wasn’t that bad but it was kind of difficult hearing it all over again when I want it so bad. At one point while we were there Josh was outside with my friends older son(3years old) and Em’s* daughter. My friend was talking about how great Josh is with kids and how he should open a Daddy Daycare because that and how much kids love him. It was a spear to the heart. I know that he is amazing with kids. The second kids are around they gravitate to him and I can’t give him that. Its the most devastating thing to have to deal with on a daily basis. I just shrugged it off and said, “Yea, he is great with them.” Then changed the subject. As we where getting ready to leave her son said, “Josh can you stay? You can sleep on the couch? Ill ask my mom!!!” It was adorable, then he held the baby. It was a lot to take in, in such a short period of time.

Once we were leaving I was so relieved to be away from all the kids and babies and bellies. But when we were leaving Em’s* car stopped at the top of the street. We pulled up next to them and they asked if we wanted to go get food. Obviously, I DID, I didn’t eat all day but I just wanted to go home and self loath for a little bit. We ended up going out to eat with them and it was so worth it. Being around their daughter is rough knowing that we started trying the same time so, technically, we could be getting ready to have our second kid right now like they are…but we aren’t. But at dinner their daughter was my little buddy. She kept playing with me and smiling at me ALL through dinner. I was loving all the baby attention I was getting. It made the whole day worth it!

The next day I had a baby shower to go to. It was (we will call her)Amber’s* baby shower(twin babies 1 round of Clomid lady). Through the corse of Mine and Lynn’s* friendship I have become friends with one of her friends who was also there. This woman also knows the struggles of the baby shower and so it was nice knowing I wasn’t alone in this day. We had out side conversations and made it through. Even with Amber* looking so beautifuly pregnant and all of us being extremely jealous of her happiness. We all had to leave early(most of my table had a benefit to go to and i had to drive an hour away to my grandmas birthday party) and there was about 60+ people so this girl had A LOT of gifts to open. Leaving early was us leaving after food and and hour and a half of presents being opened…and she was still in the process when we left.

I was thrilled for my weekend to be over. Newborns, toddlers, and baby bellies all weekend! It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was expecting to be depressed the whole weekend after each event but I wasn’t. I was emotionally drained from it but not as sad as I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad but there where no tears shed for this girl. Im ready for our 2ww to begin….and then end. So, we can get this journey going.