Holidaze

Lets get this out of the way: I had my period the beginning of December. Now that THAT is out of the way; November and December haven’t been to bad. They have had their downs FOR SURE but nothing crazy! November was exhausting from my promotion at work. There is never enough time in the day to do anything. I struggle each day to accomplish everything that needs to be done. In November I was working at 2 different locations for most of the month so that made things even more difficult. My Husband bought me flowers, which he rarely ever does, AND he had them delivered to my work(Bonus Point). Josh has never done that for me before so it was truly amazing. During that time my good friend Lynn*, had a polyps removed from her uterus so hopefully she can get back to the TTC game. In, November we spent a lot of time with Em* and her 2 amazing kids; almost every weekend. It was great I adore that family. November is mostly a blur. But then December…Winter is Coming….(Sorry I’m not sorry for saying that)

December was positive until the end. December flew by and as everyone said, “with Thanksgiving being late it made December and Christmas seem earlier then expected.” So True! We struggled to get all the presents bought this year for everyone. I also took a trip to Columbus to watch my brother get sworn in to be a Police Officer which was a great way to start off my December. For whatever reason, I was feeling extremely optimistic about ovulation and this cycle. I have no medical reason to feel that way but I did. Maybe it was the Christmas spirit(I love Christmas time.) I don’t know but in my mind it was going to be good. “It’s the end of the year and now is the time. This is going to happen!” That was what I was saying to myself all the time. All was well, feeling positive, Christmas shopping and Christmas was in full swing. I came home one day after work and came on here to read up on all the blogs. My phone had died at work, was on silent, and I forgot to plug it in when I got home. I was watching my Criminal Minds on Netflix and reading blogs. I was starting to get a mild headache(I was REALLY behind on the blogs,  I am a slow reader, so I had been on here for about two hours) I decided to jump over to off the blogs and look at Facebook for a minute before bed at around 1030PM. I was glancing through when I saw a post from my cousin. I skimmed over the post and was reading about sorrow, how strong my grandma was, the multiple medical problems and surgeries, and how my grandma and his mom(who passed away 3 years ago) dancing together now….WHAT? WAIT…WHAT HAPPEN? My grandma has been in a nursing home for a while with medical problems so its not like this was out of nowhere but we where hoping for her to make it through the holidays. I run to my phone with adrenaline racing through my body. I grab my phone and have 4 missed calls from my dad, 1 from my cousin, 1 from my cousins wife, and 1 from my mom. I go to listen to my dads voicemail and my phone dies. I am then racing around the house frantically searching for my phone charger. I finally find it and call my dad back. I simply begin the conversation with, “I think I know what happened.” His voice was full of pain. He explained his side of the story. The grandma was feeling great so they did some legal stuff, sent out her Christmas cards, and she was getting ready for the Christmas party the nursing home she was in was throwing that night. My dad had some running around to do so he said he would come back to take her later. He then got the call and her heart had stopped. It was running at 40% for a while so once it stopped there was no starting it back up. I just wanted to get off the phone. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or function or think or breath. I just wanted to cry. So, we hung up and thats what I did. My husband was asleep and is a heavy sleeper so he had no clue what was going on. I then decide to call my Cousin’s Wife to talk. She is an amazing person and adore her. We connect on a different level because she also had TTC difficulties but after a year and a half she has a beautiful baby boy. Once she answered the phone and asked how I was doing I lost it. We were discussing details and trying to figure things out. After that day everything went down hill from there.

My grandma passed away on Wednesday December 17, 2014. Thursday I drove down to Akron to help my dad figure out when the Funeral and Wake would be, get her an outfit, write the obituary, and whatever else needed to be done. It was a very rough day trying to get my dad to make any decisions. I can empathize that this was my dad’s last living immediate relative besides myself that has passed: His father, Sister, and Mother have all died. This has to be extremely difficult. But he also made things extremely difficult for everyone else. He would not decide on when to have the funeral and wake. During that time because my other cousin wasn’t responding to my dad so he said he wouldn’t decide on a day until he heard from that other cousin. My cousins live in Florida so my father was trying to accommodate them. I told my dad that since he hasn’t got back to any of us just pick a day and he can figure it out. Its now “Friday night, lets get this going, he’s just dodging you” My dad then said, “What, like you where dodging me the night she died?” I LOST MY S#%T!!!!!!!! I started screaming at my dad. Are you kidding me? Thats what you think I was doing? I understand we don’t have a great relationship but you think I was avoiding the four phone calls and voicemails? You think I was “dodging” you  when I helped pick out her outfit, write the obituary, and give you days to do this…thats me avoiding you? I cursed and yelled and I know that I probably shouldn’t have with the mental state I could imagine that he was in. He was trying to laugh it off like it was a joke. I told him, “Don’t laugh its not funny, don’t ever compare me like that. You have no right! I did nothing wrong because my phone was dead, it was not a malicious thing I was doing on purpose because I knew what was going on. Don’t you ever talk to me like that again!” And insert cursing wherever it fits…or doesn’t!

Luckily my step daughters band concert was in the middle of all that so I got a small release. A small escape from the negative world I was surrounded by. Needless to say I messed around with my husband Saturday night and Sunday morning(the day of the wake) to blood…on CD15…11(ish) days early. WHAT? I was freaking out so I instantly started texting nurse friends and other friends to find out what they think. Most thought it was that I was pregnant. I was trying to stay realistic about it but I found myself getting excited…in-between the awful cramps I was experiencing. After talking with other people they said stress which I had plenty of. I got it together and went to the wake. I called my doctor the next day and they confirmed. STRESS. “If it stays longer, more painful, more blood, etc. go to the doctor.” I got my “random period” as the doctor called it. So, much for my positive attitude, its going to happen, “we got this” kind of attitude. After having my grandma’s funeral on my 27th birthday and my random period I have decided 2014 Sucked!!!! I had a wonderful Christmas but besides that I AM OVER IT! To new beginnings and a wonderful 2015. May the TTC train end this year for all of us and we get to the Baby Station in 2015. I am going to blog more often. Today was a more personal update but I will get back to the TTC Blog! Glad to see that most of you are doing well!

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