This blog is summed up by one word: Thankful
With December being as rough as it was: death, cycle being completely OUT OF WACK, stress, etc. I wasn’t on here as much as I should have been. Part of that was also because a lot of you wonderful ladies that I follow are pregnant now! I truly am happy for all of you. You have all reached the goal we are all striving for and that is incredible. BUT for the rest of us that are still struggling it can be hard. Hard to come to this blog community that I come to when I need a release from the pregnant and child world that I am stuck in only to find that I am surrounded by it still. I love reading the updates, don’t get me wrong here. It’s so interesting how different each pregnancy is for all of you. It’s wonderful how the body works. I will not Unfollow any of you. Let’s get that out of the way now. I am not going to hide your post either…I don’t know if you can do that but I won’t. I have over 50 Followers now….THANKS TO ALL OF YOU FOR THAT! I am pretty sure only 2 or 3 of these followers are people who I know and the rest are part of our TTC Universe. I wanted to let you all know that I am truly grateful for all of you. We all connect and understand each other on a deeper level than anyone could ever know. For that I am genuinely grateful. I want to thank A Calm Persistence for sharing more TTC Blogs. That is the best idea and I can’t believe no one else has done it before. I believe that most of the people I follow are ones that I found from others on here but I think more people should do that more often so the TTC group can fill my Reader section as well.
On a separate, positive note I have to share a dream I had right after my grandmother passed(about a week and a half ago). I dream often. I was talking with a girl at work about it and she said she only really dreamed when she is/was pregnant. But I dream all the time. I will go through spurts where I don’t dream for a week or two but normally I dream. Minimum of once a week, Max of about 4 times a week. Like others, I don’t remember the majority of them right after I wake up but this one I did.
It starts with me in a Hospital. I vaguely remember the room: The door was to my left and it was a much smaller room then I am used to seeing in a Hospital. How most have two patients per room and there is a divider; This room was as big as that normally is minus the other bed at second patient. The wall was where the curtain would be. The room was solid white with no pictures or windows. I remember seeing the typical things you would see in a room like that but there where no medical instruments. Just the cabinets. I was laying there by myself feeling very relieved and the world was clear. The bed was comfy with a white knitted blanket, a light blue sheet that was under the blanket and a white fitted sheet. I look to my left and I see a baby. It was a baby girl with her pink and white striped hat, she was wrapped up in a white blanket with blue and pink decals on it. I remember her face. She was a little tiny like she may have been a few weeks early but she was healthy when I saw her. No medical things on her just a normal baby laying there. This baby girl was simply perfect. She looked over at me and smiled the biggest smile I had ever seen. She was such a happy baby. I just remember staring at her with this love that filled my entire body and soul. I had never been so happy in my entire life. I remember then turning my head to the right and Josh being there with me. He too was just staring at her with this wonder and delight that filled the room. After that moment our friends walked in with huge smiles to come visit us and our new baby.
After that things got weird. All my dreams do that. They start out normal then take a freaky turn. There was a killer and a scenery change…BUT we were all ok! =]
Never the less, I HAD A DREAM I HAD A BABY!! I have NEVER had a dream like that my entire TTC journey thus far. How crazy that right before we go to start this up again that I have this dream. I am taking this and using it as a sign of Hope. A sign of Faith. A sign that this year will be positive in every sense of the word. I know that actual dreams don’t come true 98% of the time. I have never had a dream happen….a shark has never jumped out of a tank to tell me it was going to eat my Dad(yea, had that dream before!) I get it but I love that I have something to hold on to this year. That little girls face is in my heart now to help me stay strong this year. That no matter what happens, We Will Have Our Baby.
I am calling the insurance company this week to see what the new insurance will cover and what my husband’s insurance will cover. From there determine if I stay with my insurance or transfer to my husbands in March. From there, I am going to contact my Doctor to get access to the test I have had done so I can show them to another doctor that I want to see to get a second opinion. I know that from what my doctor has told me that my next test is the Endometriosis test. But depending on what the other Doctor says will determine what I need to do from there. Let the journey begin…again!