I’ve become the person I never thought I would

**Spoiler: We got our miracle Baby!

It has been over a year since I have written but with good reason. I have actually been avoiding writing my update for a while. After speaking with friends and Josh they all agreed that I should post an update to explain the long absence. The last I posted we were researching grants and saving money for IVF because we were told by our RE that was the only option for us to have a child of our own. That all took place in August ans September. Josh and I actually set money aside to have the roof done because as stated before, that desperately needed to be done. We made a deposit in October and the roof was being done the first weekend of November.

That morning, Josh and my step daughter were going hunting. I wanted them to have some father-daughter time so I decided to stay home. After they left I decided to take a pregnancy test. I was three days late which was not outside the norm for me. For some reason, I had this gut feeling I was pregnant. I had never had that feeling before so I figured, why not? I took the test and then put laundry in the wash. I was very relaxed and unenthusiastic about what the results would be. I had never had a positive pregnancy test during our entire infertility journey that had just passed the 4 year mark September 2016. I finally went back to check after about 10 minutes and sure enough, it was positive. I was in shock! my first reaction, ” Holy F&@#!” I remember pacing around the house trying to figure out what to do. I was overwhelmed with joy, crying, in disbelief that it was REALLY positive. The first thing I did, pretty normal and obvious. I took a picture then went to Walgreens to have it printed out. In 2013 I bought a shirt and items to make a shadow box; that was going to be my way to tell Josh and a keepsake for the moment. All smiles, I get my picture and go back home. I just kept staring at the results. I then became nervous. What if I’m not pregnant? What if it was a false positive? I couldn’t do that to Josh. At that point I called my mother and Mother in law with no response. I didn’t know what I should do to verify this test.

The guy working on the roof where people I have known for over 15 years. He lived down the road from me and I hung out with his kids basically everyday. He use to be a volunteer EMT and has multiple daughters so I figured maybe he could give me some advice. I didn’t want to tell anyone before Josh but I was desperate. I called the family friend off the roof and told him that I had a question. I instantly started crying, showed him the picture, and asked him how to verify this is real? I told him how long it had been and the doctors said it was only going to happen by IVF so I really need to make sure this is really positive. He hugged me and told me to run to the hospital to see if I could get a blood test. Duh, Tiffany! I normally would have thought of that but I was so flustered it didn’t even cross my mind.

There is a hospital less than 5 minutes away and it is the hospital that my MIL works at. I went in the ER and told the nurse at the check in station that this was not an emergency. I just needed to know where they did blood tests on weekends because I wanted to verify if I was pregnant or not. Unfortunately, that hospital didn’t offer that. The other hospital that was 20-25 minutes away did though. By this time it was already close to 9 and I knew Josh and Lauren would be on their way home soon. I called my MIL again. She answered. I casually let her know I was OK but I was at her ER trying to get this blood test and didn’t know what to do since Josh would be done hunting soon. She made a call and they were able to do it for me there. The nurse drawing my blood was awesome and said they would call me later with the results. I then asked, “how later?” he said about an hour or so. WHAT? I told him I needed a moment to figure out what to do. If this is negative I can’t be home with my step daughter and Josh finding that out. So, I called my MIL who let me hang out with her while I waited. I got there and was unbelievably nervous. We were watching TV, chatting, and I was just trying to distract myself for an hour until I would received the results. Josh and my step daughter called me to inform me they were on their way home and wanted to know if I wanted breakfast? No, I don’t want breakfast, I’m freaking out here. I told Josh his mom needed help with something for his grandma and I would be home soon. I mentioned to my MIL that it had been an hour. She graciously offered to call to get the results. My heart was POUNDING! I thought I was going to be sick. There’s no way I’m pregnant…the doctors said we could only get there with IVF. Then she got a big smile on her face, nodded “yes” to me and said it out loud, ” so she IS pregnant.” I don’t remember everything that was said after because I was crying in disbelief and joy! My MIL hung up the phone and gave me a hug. I took a moment to pull myself together to head home.

When I got home I played it cool and asked how they did hunting. I know they didn’t get anything but no clue what else was said. Before they left that morning, Josh wanted me to look over a paper he had written for school that was due Sunday. Obviously, I didn’t get to it due to my eventful morning. He asked me about reviewing the paper and I told him I didn’t get to it yet. He was clearly frustrated that I didn’t help him yet but all I could think about was the positive pregnancy test picture in my purse and the shadow box I was dying to make to tell him I was pregnant. I told him I was very sorry and “I needed 15 minutes to do something, don’t come in the bedroom, and I will look at your paper when I am done.” He was not happy. ” Seriously, Tiffany, can’t that wait? What is it you have to do? I really need you to look at this paper?” I eagerly told him that I wouldn’t be long, it was a surprise and I promised that I will look at his paper before lunch. “I just have to do this really quick.” very annoyed he agreed and I anxiously went to the bedroom to make the shadow box. I quickly made the shadow box. I didn’t have everything I wanted to make it but I used what I had and it turned out OK. I would have loved to have had more crafts and time but I was more excited to tell Josh.

I set up my phone to record the moment. I put the tests, the shadow box and the shirt in our bathroom then asked Josh into our bedroom. He sat down on our bed and I handed him the shirt. It had an XBOX achievement on it that said “Achievement Unlocked Created Offspring”.

He looked at me and said, “Na- uh”

I then grabbed the shadow box and pregnancy tests.

He then said, ” When did that happen?”

I responded, “I don’t know. I went to the hospital this morning and got a blood test to verify…”

“No you’re not…”

I can hear him choking up. I say words I thought I never would “I’m 4 weeks pregnant”

“No you’re not…”

He became teary eyed and we hugged harder than we have ever have before!

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After getting our emotions together he then asked If I was 100% sure. I told him how I didn’t want to tell anyone but I had to tell his mom. Then I told him about my wonderful morning and the blood test I got done. Josh then asked what made me think that I even was pregnant. All I could say was, ” I have no idea, I just had this gut feeling. I’m only 3 days late…literally, I’m only THREE DAYS late. I figured, we have the tests…”. We both stared at the shadow box in awe. I pointed out our little babe was due in July. Josh let out a grunt of, what I thought, was disappointment or disgust. I asked what that was about and he responded with, ” this is crazy…” and stuttered in shock. I was in shock too. This can’t be real. I then told him I had been crying all morning and asked, ” Did I play it off?” He smiled so big and said, “YEA!” We then high-fived! We were ecstatic all day. Exchanging looks, smiles, holding hands, and keeping our joy to ourselves for now because we both felt it was too early to tell my step daughter. It was very hard to hide our excitement.

We went to the my RE on Black Friday and she confirmed that we were pregnant. She was very excited for us and said, ” I hope we don’t have to meet again.” with a smile on her face. A few weeks after that I found a OBGYN who’s amazing. This doctor is extremely laid back, funny, and honest which I love. She also can handle mine and my husband’s large sense of humor. I really like her and she was amazing during my pregnancy.

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On June 28th, 2017, my beautiful babygirl, Sadie was born. It was a very intense labor. Starting at 3:30am until she was born at 8:48pm. A joy that I will never be able to explain. She is our miracle baby.

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Which brings me to the title of this entry. We “magically” got pregnant. No clue how. My husband was taking vitamins but we did nothing different. I had lost 16lbs and my husband lost almost 30lbs. That was the only difference from where we were. But my husband and I weighed much less 4 ears ago when we started this journey than when we got pregnant. I don’t know if the weight loss really made a difference. I loved telling family and friends but was also very annoyed by the process. It was full of, “See you just needed to take a break from it all. After you relaxed it happened. God had a plan”…and so on. I hated not having en explanation for myself, others and all of you for how we got pregnant or why it didn’t work for so many years. The people who helped me start this blog and helped me through the hardest times of our infertility. No clue how it finally worked. I was almost devastated to come on here to share my news because I wanted to be able to give others some hope that IVF, IUI, whatever we ended up doing could get us a baby and it could get you all babies too. Obviously, I am happy we didn’t have to spend all that money to get our miracle baby but I was confused. Four years of frustration and trying and no answers but some how we got pregnant. I hope that you all get your miracle babies. Whether it’s the same way I did, IUI, IVF, surrogate, adoption, whatever it is I hope you all do. I am sorry I don’t have a better answer or conclusion to our sudden fertility. I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for our little blessing.

I am thinking of writing an entry of the pregnancy/birth and one for how it has been with a newborn. Those are mostly for me and for something to look back on as this entire blog has been. This will all be a way to remember the struggle and embrace the outcome it has given us.

 

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