7

Ovulation and 2WW

I KNOW, I KNOW…I haven’t been around I had to catch up on over 2 weeks of information from all of you. That took a while. Then I felt I could finally type.

Leaving a job and starting a new one is very stressful. On account of holding a leadership position at the previous job, I was working until the last minute I was there. It was exhausting. Luckily, I was able to take some time off during my last week. At the previous job you had to use the vacation you have earned or you lose it. You are also able to transfer vacation to the next year from the previous. I transferred some time(just in case we got pregnant, that way I could take a little more time off) so I had 23 hours available to use and my manager said I could use it all whenever. Unfortunately, we were understaffed and the only time I could take my vacation was my last week. There was a holiday that week which meant that I was going to work one day; I was OK with that! It was nice to just relax before starting my new job. Now, I have been at my new job officially for a little over two weeks. It is much different from my other jobs but it is in the Operational/Fraud/ Research side so I am loving it! As many of you know when coming into a new job you have to learn EVERYTHING and with a Operational/ Processing type job…that’s a lot! With that said I am also working farther away from home and much earlier in the morning. There have been a lot of adjustments. I am still adjusting to everything. I have been dog tired all the time from all of these changes. I am excited to finally become accustom to the new career and schedule though. I know that this is whats best for our house hold.

As of today: I am on CD23 and 4(maybe 5)DPO.

Now for the 2WW. My app says that I can take a test in 9 days but I want to wait 12 days and my adoring husband wants me to wait and take it in 6 days. I ever so gently told him, “That ain’t happenin, Champ!!!!!” He then told me that he was going to steal my pee…… I couldn’t stop laughing! We also used Pre-Seed this time and I am hoping that helps us. We had used it before but our timing was off for when we thought I was ovulating. My hubby did some research and said that since we know when I ovulate that we should use it again. I love when he says stuff like that. That, “I’ve been researching this too, I want this too, I want to help” kind of stuff! It reminds me that I am not the only one in this relationship that wants a baby. If all goes well I will be testing on the 23rd. If all goes not so well, I am scheduled to start on the 17th. I am still trying to figure out my insurance. They sent me a packet but I have never had to figure out insurance this way so I am a little confused. I need to call my HR/ my future insurance company to find out more. At my last job there was virtual assistance, Alex,  that helped you understand everything that was offered. You would answer questions like: How many doctors’ visits might you have next year, specialist visits, medicines, ER visits, and others like that. Then he would compare the different plans and suggest the one that best fit you. It made everything very user friendly for someone like me. They offer a few different providers as well, I think. We know what plan we are going with but I don’t know how to decide which provider. I have to figure it out soon though. We need to do this appointment to figure out whats next. Have a good rest of the week everyone!

QUESTIONS:

How long do you ovulate for?

How to you measure DPO if its more then one day?

I assume you use the last day, right? Do you only test by how late your period is or by how many DPO you are?

What should I look for in my new insurance?

Any providers that I should avoid or that you prefer?

4

Cramps, Bloating and Excuses

3 days late

Got to CD 30

Got to 14 DPO

Also got my period

Yup…that happened!

Saturday: I was supposed to start on Valentine’s Day. Nothing.

Sunday: I had very little spotting, very little(Brown). Mostly in the morning. I was hoping that was just implantation.

Monday: Spotting again. Mostly in the morning again. Very little again(Pink). Right side pelvic pain. I got a little nervous at that point but was still hopeful that it was just implantation.

Today(Tuesday):

Today I woke up to nothing. Then it all started. The cramps, lower back pain, bloating. Went to the bathroom later and well to quote Taylor Swift , “All I see is Red, Re-e-e-ed” So much for this month.

I did purchase a pregnancy test for this month because Josh really really wanted me too. I look at it as now we have one in the house for the future. I am not one of those that has a bulk amount in the house. I don’t like having them around because I don’t want the reminder of NO. I will take a PT when I am significantly late. I already get that NO every month I don’t need to pee on a stick and way 3-5 minutes to hear it too. I am fine with my OPK Negatives because I know now that I have a positive that will happen with those. Frankie* gave me some information on buying OPK on Amazon. I may purchase those to have for next month but I don’t think that I will get them for this month.

We finally heard something about VA money coming through. We will finally stop having delays in this TTC Quest. We will be getting a new roof, new carpet, and pay off some debt. We will decide on the insurance and then FINALLY be able to move forward with getting us pregnant. Finally no more delays and excuses but in the end its about one thing holding us back: Money. But now we will finally be in a place that I will feel comfortable bringing a baby into this house. No leaks into the living room or remnant carpet in the living room. It will be a home. Time to get this thing going.

2

2WW…Finally

When we finally started using the OPK I knew what I was looking for BUT was getting very annoyed because all I was seeing was this:

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With the conversations Josh and I were having about ,”What to do if you don’t ovulate” I was getting unbelievably nervous. What if I don’t ovulate? I mean, I know that it has been 2 years(and 5 months) and we have never checked that before. I know now that we should have just bit the bullet and bought the OPKs earlier but now that we were using them I was scared that I didn’t. I don’t know why I was worried because from the BPT I knew I ovulated late. It’s still trying on the soul when you keep seeing that BFN every day or twice a day!

One morning before work I forgot to test and knew that while I was at work I needed to not use the restroom at least an hour and a half before I left work. That way I gave myself the time to take the test right when I got home. I come home, chat with Josh for a moment, then go to the restroom. I set a timer because I will either A. sit there forever and wait for an answer or B. forget about the test and miss the result. When I hear the timer go off. i trot to the restroom with no particular thought in mind. I was just blank because every other time it was negative. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

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I Screamed!!!! Holy Sh#t! BOO, YES, IT SAYS YES, I OVULATE, IT SAYS YES, LETS DO THIS!!!! I was excited to put it lightly. CD17 this time. We both agreed that we are going to buy these for the next few months and still can’t figure out why we didn’t buy them sooner. With the Clomid we were always focused on doing it early. We even changed the time we took it to an earlier time to see if that would help. Obviously not. Josh thinks that because we were always focused on the early part of the cycle that maybe it truly was bad timing. To a point I agree but with how long it has been I don’t know if I fully agree with that. It can’t just be “bad timing”

With my new job and not knowing how the insurance works there we figured that for now OPK are our best shot until we figure out my insurance in March. I get all the insurance information on my first day(February 23rd) we will determine what to do from there. As I said before, my doctor wants to meet so that is the first step or get 2nd opinion then go from there.

I am supposed to start on Valentines Day…so romantic. Way to ruin everything Flo! In a week we will see what happens. Let’s get the BFP!!!

1

Babies Babies Babies

Last weekend was exhausting and full of babies and kids! I was never so grateful for this weekend to be over. Don’t get me wrong; I love my friends and their kids. But when its your dream and you have to be surrounded by it for a weekend, it can be a little much.

Saturday was Mine and Josh’s day. We went to a Flea Market in the morning, a local one I had never been to before, which was a good time. We didn’t find much but it was a fun and rather interesting experience. After that Josh’s back was hurting so I dropped him off at home then went to Sprint(cancelled my Verizon) to get a new phone, S5 which I love so far.  After 2 hours there I had to rush home because we said we where going to be at our friends house at 4PM, it was 345PM when I got home, and there house is 20 minutes away. The reason we were going to visit that friend because she had her second child(a baby girl) in July and we hadn’t seen her yet. Every Infertile knows that babies are the roughest to see. Toddlers can be rough too but newborns and babies are the hardest to be around. Now, this little girl is adorable and a spitting image of her Daddy. And her smile…melts the heart! The visit wasn’t going that bad. The friend that had the baby is a nurse so I was chatting with her about everything that has been going on with me. Even she was curious as to why more hasn’t been done and that I have only received Clomid. But with the break coming we are holding off on what is to come. We chatted for a bit and she then informed me that Em* was coming over. With her 34 week pregnant self and their one year old. Em* is my best friend but I knew the second them two got together it was going to be all about pregnancy stuff. Which it was for a while. It wasn’t that bad but it was kind of difficult hearing it all over again when I want it so bad. At one point while we were there Josh was outside with my friends older son(3years old) and Em’s* daughter. My friend was talking about how great Josh is with kids and how he should open a Daddy Daycare because that and how much kids love him. It was a spear to the heart. I know that he is amazing with kids. The second kids are around they gravitate to him and I can’t give him that. Its the most devastating thing to have to deal with on a daily basis. I just shrugged it off and said, “Yea, he is great with them.” Then changed the subject. As we where getting ready to leave her son said, “Josh can you stay? You can sleep on the couch? Ill ask my mom!!!” It was adorable, then he held the baby. It was a lot to take in, in such a short period of time.

Once we were leaving I was so relieved to be away from all the kids and babies and bellies. But when we were leaving Em’s* car stopped at the top of the street. We pulled up next to them and they asked if we wanted to go get food. Obviously, I DID, I didn’t eat all day but I just wanted to go home and self loath for a little bit. We ended up going out to eat with them and it was so worth it. Being around their daughter is rough knowing that we started trying the same time so, technically, we could be getting ready to have our second kid right now like they are…but we aren’t. But at dinner their daughter was my little buddy. She kept playing with me and smiling at me ALL through dinner. I was loving all the baby attention I was getting. It made the whole day worth it!

The next day I had a baby shower to go to. It was (we will call her)Amber’s* baby shower(twin babies 1 round of Clomid lady). Through the corse of Mine and Lynn’s* friendship I have become friends with one of her friends who was also there. This woman also knows the struggles of the baby shower and so it was nice knowing I wasn’t alone in this day. We had out side conversations and made it through. Even with Amber* looking so beautifuly pregnant and all of us being extremely jealous of her happiness. We all had to leave early(most of my table had a benefit to go to and i had to drive an hour away to my grandmas birthday party) and there was about 60+ people so this girl had A LOT of gifts to open. Leaving early was us leaving after food and and hour and a half of presents being opened…and she was still in the process when we left.

I was thrilled for my weekend to be over. Newborns, toddlers, and baby bellies all weekend! It wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. I was expecting to be depressed the whole weekend after each event but I wasn’t. I was emotionally drained from it but not as sad as I thought. Don’t get me wrong, I was sad but there where no tears shed for this girl. Im ready for our 2ww to begin….and then end. So, we can get this journey going.

0

Are we Still on the Same Page?

I’ve been playing the fun game we all know and hate which is the 2WW. I am pretty sure I started spotting today so looks like the 2WW ended a little early for me. I was very hopeful because I haven’t been feeling that great lately: bloating(all the time), headaches(which I never get), nauseous, and tired. Now, I know that this spotting could be nothing and I could still be pregnant but I have a feeling it is just my Broken Time(as my husband calls it) creeping up to come visit. Another month down, another to go.

The other day after the Clomid Cycle my husband was talking to me about his insurance at his work. He had just reached the time frame required to be able to sign up for their benefits and was telling me about his conversation with a friend of his at work. Josh had told his friend about our situation and was asking what the company’s coverage was like for fertility or the pregnancy process. The friend said that its not that great and that it really just covers the basic stuff for pregnancy and child birth. The guy then asked Josh what his game plan was with us. Josh then told the guy, “If we aren’t pregnant by the end of the winter(which for our area is about March) then I think we should hold off for a bit. Heres the thing, my dogs are my kids so we can focus on the house for a bit first.” I was in a daze after hearing that. He doesn’t want to try any more. This is too much for him and he is checked out. I didn’t say a word the whole time he talked. i just sat there and processed every word that fell out of his mouth. Hanging on every syllable and praying that he comes back to the place where we were when he wanted this just as bad as me. So, the conversation just ended and I knew I wanted to talk to him about it but I wanted to find the words and not become a blithering idiot in the process.

We took some time off together because our 2 year anniversary is tomorrow. With that being said I knew that we needed to schedule Josh’s Semen Analysis because they only do the testing from 7-2 and Josh works from 8-5 every day. Having a limited time frame I wanted us to do it on a day off so we weren’t “rushed”. I start to call to get everything scheduled and they need his insurance card and information. Well, his insurance is through the VA and when I tell the woman that on the phone she lists some carriers that Josh used to have but doesn’t anymore. She said that we now have to be contacted to verify if it will be covered or not. I then try to cheat the system and contact the local facility to schedule the appointment and ,sure enough, they send me back to the previous scheduler. I tell Josh to contact he VA to see if they can do it there and it be covered. He said his phone was dead and he will charge it, mow the lawn, and when he’s done he will call. He said that I can do my testing but maybe we should hold off on his until we know more. Also that I should contact my insurance today to see what all is covered since we haven’t done that yet either and we are already getting things tested. Now is the time to chat. Keep it together Tiffany(that’s Me), just find out where he stands.

I open my mouth, not even thinking and the word start falling out. “Babe, I wanna chat real quick before you go outside…So, what are you thinking will happen if the Clomid doesn’t work?” He then starts to talk about how we already talked about this the other day. That if the Clomid doesn’t work that we will take a break and get the house fixed up(need a new roof because its leaking, new furniture, carpet, bed. We also need to patch some holes still, paint, and a few other things). He said that he doesn’t want to get into the expensive IBF(Such a dork and corrected that) when we have work to be done around here. I then asked the question I was dreading, “So, after that does that mean you don’t want to try anymore, ever?” “No! not at all!” A HUGE sigh of relief falls over me. I couldn’t have been happier at that moment. He even said he’s not even considering us talking about adoption yet or anything like that and the he definitely still wants to continue trying. “We will do the every other day thing when we think you are ovulating and all of that stuff. But if we had a baby now I would be happy but worried too because we need so much done to the house.” Which I do agree with him on. It would be hard to try to care for a new baby financially when we need to spend close to 10k on a new roof. I told him that I was just worried because the other day he talked about our dogs being our kids and I thought he just didn’t want to try anymore. He corrected that and said that he wants kids with me,”You see how I get around kids of corse I want one.” So, we agreed that after these rounds of Clomid(I have 2 more) that we will hold off on the insemination process(which ever we may need) until we at least get a new roof. We will still do my testing on the 25th and if I need “cleaned out” we will do that as well. But, depending on what my insurance says will determine if we continue my testing or if we wait on that as well.

Its hard to hear that we are waiting again but we are on the same page. We are not waiting forever, we are still going to try. This isn’t an end, this isn’t a bump in the road, or an delay. This is just a different route to the same goal. I couldn’t be more overjoyed that we are still in this for the long haul. He is just being my realistic reminder while I sit in my baby bubble. So, Monday is the day. I find out if my Tubes and Uterus are doing their job for the most part. Then we go from there. hoping for the best, Preparing for the worst. I’ll be back with an update then! After our emotional conversation(only emotional for me, stupid period) feeling very clear. Lets do this!