5

Josh’s Urology Appointment

It has been so long….

Nothing has been going on. We were told by my doctor that due to Josh’s numbers being low that we were to wait and see what happen with his thyroid medicine to see if that made a difference in his numbers. The only problem with that is that his doctor requires him to be on each dose for 3 months before checking his thyroid numbers to see if they have improved at all. Josh has been able to get the doctor to move the dosage sooner because he noticed no difference and his thyroid numbers weren’t moving very much so the doctor has made some exceptions. This also mean there has been no baby appointments since July…..which was kind of nice to be honest. I only stressed a few times about it but it was nice to not be worrying everyday, expecting my period, not being depressed when it came. It was a little relief to get a break again. Obviously it was frustrating to have everything on hold again but I accepted it.

During this little break I found out a friend of Josh’s was pregnant with twins from IVF and she works at the same company as me. I decided to pry a little to get some information. She had told me that they were trying for 2 1/2 years and once they went to a doctor they found out her husbands count was low, 3 Million. They did six rounds of clomid, three rounds of femara, one laprascopic surgery, four failed IUI’s, and one round of IVF. I don’t remember what the laprascopic was for, I believe her tubes where clogged, but I can’t remember. She told me that her husband was put on vitamins from his doctor to improve his count. Just vitamins you can buy at a local grocery store. This concoction improved his count from 3 Million to 80 Million in just three months. HOLY COW. I bought those the next week. It cost 35 dollars. Two of the bottles lasted a month and the other 2 have about a month left. I also asked her about the cost of the IVF. I already knew how much IUI would cost and even though we are going though different facilities I was just curious since we work for the same company and use the same insurance. She said that it was the 9,800 down before the procedure could be done. From there the meds cost anywhere from 2,800 to 5,000 dollars. She stated that her cost 2,800(If I have to I hope it’s the same). Then there is the doctors appointments, blood work and ultra sound that are covered under insurance but you have to pay the difference for. It’s just nice to have a price point in mind if it ever gets to that. I also didn’t know that you could claim that on your taxes which I though was awesome. I obviously don’t know the details but its nice to know that going through all this that we can at least get something back for it, financially. I hope it doesn’t get to that point and that we can do this ourselves or with IUI.

Josh had his appointment this past Monday with a urologist. It was just like any other first appointment where not much happened. They did an exam on him, ask us numerous questions, and Josh gave a sample for a semen analysis since the last one was from May. Josh has been taking those vitamins for the last month so I am hoping it made some what of a difference. His doctor said they will do the semen analysis, they will do a DNA test to verify his supply is good, and they want to do blood work. Josh still needs to do the scan and the blood work but we are just waiting on results right now. The DNA test takes about 3 weeks to get the results. Hopefully, everything is good and we can do IUI the end of November. My cycle decided to go haywire this month and come 9 days early. It is kind of good though because that moved my ovulation to occur after we get his results. Though that was very annoying it is kind of a blessing in disguise.

My periods have been awful lately. They are so painful. The day before I am in pain and the day of I am dying. I noticed that I have pains on the right side every month. It never alternated which I found odd. The pain in my lower back is constant, it is a really intense pressure and sometimes shooting pain that happens every month. It doesn’t matter what I take or drink or do that never goes away. The second day it isn’t too bad. I really don’t want them to test for Endo until after at least one round of IUI(if it gets to that) but I think that it might be necessary. Prepare for TMI: I have pain during sex and its worse after, awful (lower back and lower abdomen) pain during and before periods,(painful) diarrhea during and before periods, and Bloating during and after periods. More recently inconsistent periods and bleeding in-between periods. The pain I have during my periods knocks me out. The lower back and lower abdomen pain makes me not want to get out of bed at all. But I have to. I can’t call off work every month. I don’t know what to do. I am going to try to just grin and bear it until after we get Josh’s test results back. Until then. We wait.

3

My Second First Doctors Appointment

Today was the day of my Doctor Appointment with the new Doctor. The office looked like every other Doctor’s Office but the sign by the door said Fertility Center. I already felt a little at ease because I was hoping it would only be women in the office in a similar position as us. It wasn’t like when I went to the previous Doctor where there was pregnant woman in there and baby pictures on the wall. There was none of that here which helped me while filling out all the new patient paper work. I wasn’t done with the paper work before I was called to the back by the nurse. She took my weight and brought me into the room. The nurse asked why I was there….we want to have a baby. Then I go into the details of Our Story. She then takes my blood pressure, which was good, then has me finish my paperwork and wait for the doctor.

The doctor came in rather quickly and we were only in the Patient room for a moment before she took me into her office. The Doctor was so adorable. She is probably in her 40’s but looks like she is in her 30’s. She is about 5’6, skinny minny, with chin length curly blackish brown hair that had some grey hairs through it as well. Those grey’s where the only thing that made her look any older. She had very smooth aged porcelain skin, beautiful long eyelashes and very little make up. Not that she needed any. The Doctor has a very natural beauty and a very big smile. I could tell that she was a serious doctor but one that could handle my humor that REALLY turns on when I am nervous. We discussed my problems with the previous doctor: Lack of communication, not on the same page, etc. The Doctor then grabbed a piece of paper and said, ” This is how you make a baby” She drew a stick figured woman but put a big circle to show the lady parts as well as an arrow from the head pointing at the lady parts. The Doctor said that “we need to figure out where the disconnect is in this process. First, the brain tells the body to ovulate, I don’t that there is a problem there because you have had Positive OPK. Then you produce the eggs, the eggs drop, the sperm attaches then that attaches to the wall. These are the parts where we don’t know why you haven’t got pregnant yet.” She said that she wants to do an ultra sound to see whats going on. I said OK and she asked if I was up for that today? I was surprised and then a little confused. I asked very naively, “through the belly ultrasound?” She smiled then shook her head back and forth. “I wasn’t prepared for that…I didn’t prepare for that.” She said that is fine and not to worry at all. She said that doing this will give her a better idea of what I have going on and what path she thinks we should take. I expressed my hesitation but agreed even though I was nervous. I was just expecting a chat, not an ultrasound.

She tells me to empty my bladder then go into the room and (as we have all heard numerous time) undress from the waste down. I get to it. Then nervously wait for her return. She comes into the room and starts a conversation to try to distract me from the lubricant she is applying to the wand she is about to use for the ultrasound. I was very very nervous at that point. I had never had an ultrasound like THAT before. I knew that with this journey, I needed to get used to it! After the initial…..you know….it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Then The Doctor said, ” Your Uterus looks GREAT!” I took that as a compliment but still curiously said Thank you! While she was checking my ovaries there was a little pressure but it wasn’t too bad. The HSG Appt. was much worse. She didn’t say much while looking at my ovaries and then turned the screen for me to look at. She said, ” The uterus looks great, here’s your left ovary full off all those little eggs which is great. It looks exactly like it should(to me it looked like and open Pomegranate). And we go to the right, see how it is all black?” I respond hesitantly, “Yes?” “Well, that is a good thing. That means that you should be ovulating within the next week, right?” and in fact I was supposed to. I was so relieved. I knew the OPK said Yes before but now I have seen it for myself. I was then told to get dressed and go back into her office so we could finish talking.

The Doctor had the ultrasounds printed out. I kind of wanted to take them. I know that there wasn’t a baby but I have always wanted an ultrasound photo with a baby. I didn’t ask, don’t worry. After that we finished out discussion on what the game plan was going to be. The Doctor asked if my previous doctor talked about my glucose level at all. I told her that the previous doctor did say that it was high and pre diabetic but that was it. She said that it was definitely too high. That if it gets any higher than a 6.0 she doesn’t like trying to get people pregnant because of the complications that can happen. That made me heart stop. I don’t know that my levels are at now and then she said she wanted to test my blood again to see where I was at. We will do the blood work today to test my glucose and my thyroid today. Crap! I ate a doughnut and drank Gatorade that morning. I KNOW I KNOW! Worst combination ever and such a horrible idea before a Doctor’s Appointment. Josh and I rarely buy doughnuts and of course I choose to have mine before the appointment. I was so mad at myself. We continued on:

1. Try for this cycle to get  pregnant. After she saw were my ovulation was at for this month she really wants us to try again. I am fine with that, what’s one more month.

2.Josh has to get tested after this ovulation. She said that after this week he has to schedule an appointment. The Doctor also said that the VA should cover it and if they don’t do it there they should cover for Josh to have it done somewhere else. That was a relief.

3. No Surgery for Endo. The Doctor said that it truly looks like I have it but she is not 100% because the only way to check is through the surgery and because I am not having awful symptoms like some do she doesn’t want to do the surgery if she doesn’t have to, which I agree with. Plus, I don’t have the time off to do the surgery so, that works for me.

4. IF this month doesn’t work and Josh’s test come back normal then she thinks the next best step is Clomid with IUI next month. HOLY CRAP! I don’t know what I was expecting, It is the next best step. She said the same thing. The Doctor said that because we have been trying for so long that she thinks this combination is our best chance. She said that since we tried Clomid by itself and it didn’t work she didn’t want to risk just IUI. She obviously mentioned the much higher the odds are of twins which Josh and I are fine with. The next big question:Cost. It is a flat right(like UPS or something) of $482.00 for the wash of his sperm and the Insemination. That obviously doesn’t include the cost of the medications and the doctors appointments for ultrasounds or whatever else they might need from me. I was thinking it will cost around $700 after the bills finally come around.

I felt amazing after the Appointment. I am obviously a little hesitant about the blood results but other than that, cloud 9! We could potentially be pregnant NEXT MONTH! She said to contact her next month if I start my period or if we get pregnant on our own. From there ,if we are not pregnant: we will get the Clomid Prescription(100 mg), take that day 5-9, then people normally ovulate on CD12 (I ovulate late but I don’t think that will stay the same with Clomid) but once I get a positive on the OPK I call the Fertility Center to have the IUI don’t the next day, Josh goes in before me that morning to give his sample, it will be “washed” as in they will separate the good sperm from the bad sperm, and then they do the insemination and I sit on the table for 10 minutes(they are available 7 days a week for insemination).  They said that there is a chance of cramping pain after as well as spotting are common. Two weeks later we test to see if we have a baby. This is happening we are finally in the process of having a baby. I am beyond excited and Josh is too! We bought a bunch of healthier food to try to get this glucose stuff under control as well as continuing going to the gym. We are doing this, we are going to get our family. I just know that we are going to get our baby!

2

Now I Feel Confused and Foolish

No surgery for me…for now…I think!

Originally when I spoke with Lisa* she was saying I could get the surgery Tuesday(27th) or depending on my cycle in February sometime at the end of February. My manager was sick and when he finally came back on Saturday(24th) He said, “Don’t worry about this place. Do what you have to do. Just see if you can get it done next week and we will go from there.” Don’t have to tell me twice.

I contacted my Doctors Office on Monday morning to see if I could still go in for the surgery on Tuesday(Crazy, I know). I realized I was speaking with Lisa* so I asked her about the Cycle Days with the surgery. She said that surgery had to be done between CD 5-11. She said that it was highly unlikely that I would be able to get into the surgery that quick. She finally called me back at about 11AM. Hello Lisa* Tell me something good! Lisa* tells me that, “since the Doctor hasn’t seen you since the HSG she isn’t going to do the surgery because you need pre-testing to verify that you need the surgery. She doesn’t want to cut for no reason. So, she said let’s schedule an appointment to discuss what you want to do next.”

…….

Though I am grateful she doesn’t want to cut into me for no reason and I was skeptical about just going right into a surgery without pre-surgery testing. I am a little confused and feel rather foolish. I have been talking to them for almost 2 weeks about this. Why wasn’t something said sooner about not doing the surgery until after I spoke with her sooner? Or why didn’t the doctor say something when I messaged her to get information on the surgery? The doctor told me at the HSG that because it came back normal that this is the next test she wanted to do. I completely understand that I need pre-testing but let’s just schedule that. I don’t want to waste time with us chatting…AGAIN for me to come back for another visit after that to get this going. I just want us to figure this out.

There is another potential obstacle for us as well. I have applied for a new job a few weeks ago and did a final interview today. I think that all went well! It is a bit of a drive but its a pay increase and if I do get the job it is a great opportunity to move up in banking. I want to go back to school and it is much more of a possibility if I get out of the branch side of banking; this would be a move to the operational, back end of banking. I am hoping for the best BUT it is yet another delay in the TTC journey because of the delay in insurance.

I was talking with Josh about this tonight. We are going to get him tested in March; when his insurance through his work kicks in. We are FINALLY going to start using OPT(Ovulation Prediction Kit). I know I am way behind the times for someone that has been TTC for over 2 years. I just got some First Response ones from a friend but I was wondering:

-What OPK do you guys prefer?

-Where do you buy them from? (They can be pretty expensive)

-Is there a better time to test?

As I said, I am behind the times. The past 2 I took I got “?”. The first one I think was my fault…I MAY have unclipped it in a nervous frustration while waiting for the answer! I swear it was way more then 5 minutes. BUT the second time I think I did everything right and still got a “?”.  I know what OPKs are but I haven’t looked into them too much because of the price but now….With all these delays and insurance and new job and house repairs and anything else that can and will happen. I don’t want to keep allowing these delays to hold us back. I want to do everything I can to get us a baby.

Any other advice for someone who:

-Has normal blood work(boarder line diabetic is the only thing)

-6 rounds of Clomid- Fail

-And Negative HSG Results(Right ovary was a little far away, long right tube)

I am open to any suggestions on opinions I was even thinking of posting my Blood work results on here to see what people think. Maybe next post. I am tired! =] Let me know what you guys are thinking!

6

Endometriosis Surgery Question

I called my Insurance back again to verify what was or was not covered. Taking multiple peoples’ advice I contact my Doctor’s Office first to get the more precise information to ask the Insurance company. I called and spoke with Lisa* who was specific to my doctor(a nurse, secretary, or something like that). When I spoke with Lisa* she told me the procedure code for the Diagnostic Laparoscopy. She then told me to not mention Infertility at all(which I knew after talking to you fine folks). I then contacted the Insurance company to ask the question yet again. I told the woman on the phone that I had a procedure code and wanted to verify if it was covered under my new insurance? I gave her the code and she said,” Yes, it is covered…depending on why it is being done.” I was baffled that she could even say that, “depending on why” What? Why does that matter? I asked the obvious question, “What do you mean by that?” She responds with, “Well, if you have predetermined symptom that suggest Endometriosis that it could be covered but if it is being done for Infertility purposes then it could be denied” WHAT? I didn’t even say Infertility, do you have a note on my file? Do you know me? I was blown away. At that point I was just confused as to what I was supposed to do but held it together and pushed the confusion aside to finish this conversation. After we hung up I was so pissed. There is no way to candy coat this. I was confused as to why a procedure could be approved for patient A because they have signs of Endo but Patient B wants to have a child and needs to this test but it is not approved. Why is an Insurance Company allowed to do this? UNBELIEVABLE!

Today I decided to contact my Doctor again to find out the soonest I could have the surgery and get a quick overview of the surgery because I knew nothing about what was going to be done to me. All I knew is that I was going to get 2 small cuts and a camera was going into me to check for Endo. I called the Doctor and it was Lisa* again. I told her what my insurance said and she was very kind. She looked over what I had done last year to see what was and wasn’t covered. Everything was covered but that wasn’t any help to me see as I have a whole new Insurance Company now. But it was nice she went out of her way to look into that. She then said that we should hopefully be able to cover it so that it is mostly covered by the insurance. Once I heard that I felt a little relief. Now time for procedure questions: I asked when was the soonest I could have the procedure done? She said that it depended on my cycle and asked when my period started. Well, it started Sunday Night. Lisa responded with, “Next week then….so….Monday Tuesday or Wednesday….Tuesday the 27th would be when it is available.” WHOA that is quick. Well, my job is extremely short staffed so I know that is not possible. “When would be the next time?” “Well, again, that depends on your cycle. You would call us when you start and we could schedule from there.” Thats fine. Thats how most things work when you are getting testing to have a baby. Lisa continued, “The procedure takes about and hour and a half depending on what she finds” What do you mean by that? I thought she was just looking around. “If the Doctor find signs of Endometriosis then she will remove what she can which could potentially make the surgery last longer and the recovery last longer as well.” Ok, that makes more sense now but it also makes me a little more nervous. I have never been put under…EVER! So, the idea of almost an unknown time of how long I will be under is a little unnerving. I told Lisa* that “I was under the impression that I would be able to get the surgery Friday and come back to work on Monday.” Her exact response, “Oh, you are a strong woman! We suggest taking a week off(thats the max.) and you are limited to what you can do.” How in the world am I going to be able to take a week off work when we are short staffed? I don’t want to use vacation time for this. What if I don’t even have Endo and I have to take all this time off? OH GOODNESS! Lisa* then asked me what I do and I told her(I work at a bank). She said, “You are limited to lifting 10 lbs. which means no lifting Coin or heavy bags of money, are you in charge of the Vault(yes)? Then you will definitely need help with the money once you go back. You need to be very careful you don’t tear or rip anything the Doctor did.” Rip or tear….that sounds great. That was all I needed and was exhausted from the information I received. I told her that I would contact her once  verify when I can have the surgery and it would most likely be next month after my period.

I contacted HR through my work just to verify what I am supposed to do when I have the surgery and I will use sick time to cover my time off. I was just comforted that I didn’t have to use any vacation time(if I use more then a week I will but I don’t plan on that). After doing some basic math I believe that it was between CD 9-11 I am supposed to get the surgery done. Well, instead of guessing I figured I would just call the Doctor’s Office back to ask. When I called the new lady I spoke with said that it didn’t matter when I had the surgery, I just couldn’t do it when I was on my period. Now I am even more confused. I want to do this sooner rather then later but I don’t want to overwhelm myself. The 26th of February I am having a wisdom tooth pulled and having a crown put in. An hour and a half appointment that I will need some recovery from for sure.  I was hoping that if there isn’t a time frame that I can get it done on February 20th. Six days of recovery should be enough right? Maybe? So here are my questions for you ladies:

Is there a certain time I need to get this surgery done?

How long should I give myself for recovery?

Is it a bad idea to do the surgery so close to my dentist appointment?

What was the surgery like for any of you that had it done? and the recovery?

How long was the surgery?

Whats the next step if it is Endo?

What’s the next step if it isn’t Endo?

Any help would be greatly appreciated! =]

8

Lack of Reassurance and Insurance

I called my new insurance company the other day to verify what they do or don’t cover for Infertility. I finally got to a person and asked the question. “What is your coverage on Infertility?” The man on the phone said the things you always hear,”Let me look you up to verify what is covered…SS#, DOB, Name, and whatever other information he asked I willingly gave to get my answers. He finally said,”We cover the testing of Infertility.” I was waiting for more words but nothing. I then asked, “What does that mean?” He said that any testing needed to find out the source of Infertility is covered” My testing is covered, OK Great, but what from there? What about my treatment after this “testing” that is covered? I asked with a fear because I already knew the answer. He didn’t say it for a reason so why even ask but I did. “What about treatment for the testing?” “No, that is not covered” was quickly heard coming from the other end of the phone. I responded with,”Just to make sure if I am tested for my tubes being clogged or Endometriosis and the results come back positive then the treatment for those things to be removed ,or whatever you want to call it, is not covered?” Another quick response,”Correct.” That was it. I am going to call tomorrow just to make sure because I find that odd. At least with my old insurance it covered treatment but new junk doesn’t.

I don’t know what to do. All the Fears are back and the Thankful is slowly dwindling away. I am almost wanting to put a pause to this whole thing(again) simply because of the cost. My dental bills are cut in half right now but I need more work done so those will go up again in no time. I am at a loss. I want to be a mother so bad and I want to have a baby so bad. I think that I am going to still do more research with my husband’s new insurance that would start in March. If that covers more than I will for sure switch to that and move forward with more testing. Even if I don’t move forward with Josh’s insurance that I will do the testing for Endometriosis for my own sanity. I have this gut feeling that is what it is and I’m hoping(and not hoping) that I am right. I think I am almost leaning on that diagnosis just so I have an answer. Infertility because of Endometriosis is better than Unexplained Infertility. We will just have to wait and see.

4

Give Me a Break…Unfortunately

My weekend was fantastic…not really! Saturday my friend was having a party and we were getting ready to go. I found out my period had started the worst possible way, with my husband, that was extremely humiliating and embarrassing. Then I am leaving the bedroom and find out that my laundry room is flooded by my hot water tank that decided to break. Appropriately, we spent our Saturday night cleaning our laundry room. Sunday morning we ran to Home Depot to get a new tank and find out about installs. The extremely helpful worker told us”….I’m not sure but if you call the number on the box(proceeds to look at the box) 1-800-homedepot they should be able to help.” While we are still in the store I call the number. I get to an associate who starts taking my information after I tell him what I am looking to do. After he takes my information I ask him for prices for the install and he says,” I don’t have an answer for that but I can take down your number and have them call you with an answer…they will probably call you sometime tomorrow after, like, 5pm. It would probably be better for you to just call back tomorrow.” I tell my husband that and he asks if there is any way we can just get an appointment and go from there. I ask the gentleman on the phone that and he says, “I actually can’t set up appointment but I can put you in the system and they can contact you for appointment times tomorrow or you can just call tomorrow, that will be faster anyway.” Well, thanks for all of your help mister man on the phone. We then buy the tank and some supplies to head home. Josh thinks he can figure it out but it was more then he could bargain for. We contact my step dad who came over to help us out(Thank God!) Unfortunately, we all missed the whole Browns VS Steelers Game…but at least we won!!!!! Thankfully, I had Monday off for the bank Holiday so I was able to catch up on my laundry. It was a great weekend.

Saturday I started, kind of. I wasn’t supposed to start until Wednesday. It abruptly showed up(unwanted) for Saturday night, was gone Sunday, then came back with a vengeance today. My back starting right below my shoulders down to the lower back is killing me. I have a headache and my right side is kind of bugging me as well. The joys of being a lady, Im over it!

As I have stated before, this was out last round of Clomid. No more Clomid. So, what’s next? Well, My plan is simple. I am taking a break from all this through the Holidays. I want to focus on paying down so medical and dental bills that have accrued over the last year. If and when we decide to move forward with insemination or other testing or whatever its going to be expensive. We might as well start paying some things down over these next 3-4 months while we don’t have anything going on. My next major dentist appointment is already scheduled for the end of January and we can just continue with my testing in February. During that time I am going to focus on ME…and my house. We still need a new roof which is priority #1 with the house. Then the other things: New carpet, new bed, new furniture, painting, etc. Repairing a house is a never ending battle. In January or maybe even February I will contact my GYNO to ask her for some test to be done. I am going to do more research but I heard that getting the same procedure done by an RE or an GYNO, it is cheaper by the GYNO. If any of you know if thats true let me know? I want to get the testing for Endo and I would like my Thyroid checked as well. My Mother-in-law, who is a nurse, suggested that because of my concern with my weight gain. During this break I am considering getting a second opinion on my situation as well(RE or GYNO). My Mother-in-Law also agrees with that. My husband doesn’t agree but said that I can do what I want. I might look into more at the facility I go to now or I may use a different one. That I am not sure of as well. I am basically going to be doing research on my break and making decisions after the Holidays. I am also going to track my periods too but no ovulation kits, pregnancy test(unless really late), and trying not to plan sex. I don’t think that will be a problem but sometime both myself and my husband catch ourselves counting when we should even before we were on Clomid.

I am sad. I was crying on the way home yesterday and almost broke down at work today when a customer brought in her 9 week old baby girl. Its rough knowing that Im still not pregnant 2 years later. Yet another Holiday season with no baby, baby bump, or baby announcement. My birthday is in December as well and it would be the ultimate present to get pregnant, to know Im going to be a mom. That’s all I want is to be a mom. Therefore, to make that happen I have to get it together. Any advice on that feel free to share. I am up for any suggestions at this point. Send good vibes my way because during this break of mine my best friend Em* is going to have her baby, her sister-in-law is going to have her baby, I just found out another friend is pregnant, and Amber* is going to have her twins. I will be surrounded and though I am thrilled for all of them it doesn’t make it any easier for me. Send this girl some strength!

5

HSG Appointment

I wrote down most of my experience at the doctors for my HSG testing but somethings I don’t remember so I will do my best with my horrible memory.

I was running late for some reason. I just remember rushing into the waiting room to check in and immediately sit down. There was another couple that was waiting as well. They were in their middle to late 30s, husband and wife, and both calm just patiently waiting for a name to be called. Her and I exchanged smiles but nothing more. I was so curious as to why they where there though. The whole time, is she going for the same thing as me? Are they having difficulties too? How are they handling it? Then my name was called to come back.

We walk back to a room that was the size of 2 bathroom stalls, one in front of the other, 5X15 if I had to guess. On the back wall was about 6 lockers that we were supposed to put our clothes after changing into our gowns that tied together and stayed closed unlike most hospital gowns. After changing the nurse verified what day of my Cycle I was on and asked me if I knew what was going to happen. I responded with, “I read the pamphlet and did some research online.” And she was ok with that answer. The nurse told me to then go sit in a little waiting room to the side of the changing area and wait for a nurse to get me. Around the corner the waiting room was just 2 couches and a TV that was playing Ellen. I don’t remember what was happening on the show but I remember laughing for a brief moment. It was a small relief from the immense anxiety that I was feeling about this procedure. That moment was short lived because after a quick bathroom break(I have to pee when Im nervous) the nurse that would be helping with the procedure.

We went across the hall to a different room. It reminded me of the room that I went to when I was younger to get an Xray but with a lot more computers,wires, and people. There was my RE, the nurse that brought me into the room and 2 other people that were in a room off to the side. The room had windows with shades that where kind of open so they could see what was happening with me but I have no idea who they were or even if they where women or men. I sat down and the Doctor explained the procedure one more time. I was listening but I was so nervous I didn’t hear a word she said. I then had to lay down and there where no stirrups. Not that I enjoy seeing those things but they help. I had to place me feet at the bottom of the table and just try to hold them there. I then laid down and locked those knees tight. I felt so exposed in all meanings of the word. I didn’t want to be there. I was petrified of what was going to happen: If my tubes are clogged will unclogging really get me pregnant? If they aren’t clogged why hasn’t it happen yet? What next?

The Doctor try politely asked me to unlock my knees and that she would begin. It started like a PAP with the “duckbill” and cleaning the Cervix which was a little painful but nothing crazy. I was mostly uncomfortable the whole time. And not uncomfortable like I was naked on a table with a woman looking up my skirt but uncomfortable like the when you have a little tooth ache that causes a minor pain that will not go away. Just plain uncomfortable and cringing feeling that I just wanted to end. I then started to cry. Not because I was in pain or uncomfortable but because I was so scared of what would happen next. The Doctor had to tell me to hold my breath so they could take the shots as the dye went in. The Dye wasn’t that bad either. I remember the pressure a little but it was tolerable. I decided to just look at the pictures as she was taking them to see if I could comprehend. I couldn’t see them well though because my eyes where full of mascara from my uncomfortable tears.

Once the procedure was done the Doctor couldn’t stop apologizing and asking if I was ok. I just continued to tell her that it wasn’t her or the procedure and after that she showed me the pictures. Moment of Truth: Everything came back normal. The only thing that she said was that my right tube was pretty long =] but the dye got through the whole thing. The pictures where interesting to see and nice to know that everything was normal. After that I had to chat with her. I told the doctor that we would not be moving forward with the insemination process because we need a new roof first. She was very understanding and said that once we got where we wanted to that I could contact her to move forward with the process. I then gave her the list of the Medical History and she said that the next step will be to get me tested for Endometriosis then go from there. She also said that we could try more Clomid too…If I wanted to. We are going to do this round and then take a break. We can talk about it soon but Im trying to gradually take this break and not jump into more baby talk. Im trying to think positive for this last round of Clomid so we will see. I know the next one will actually have some action to it. the last Clomid Chronicles will not be like the others. Ill be back with that update in about a week.

3

Question

So I apologize I haven’t updated. Still no computer, though my husband did get me a tablet which is very hard to try to type a blog entry on but I’m managing for this one. To get to the point, my husband and I messed up this round of Clomid, I had a wisdom tooth pulled among other things. So, this next cycle of Clomid is my last round and after that is our “break” to get the roof fixed before we get into insemination. I will still do my endometriosis testing but we will hold off on the baby part. I was wondering what the thoughts where on taking Clomid days 3-7 compared to days 5-9? I have heard both and when I called the nurse line before my HSG she said “continue taking it 3-7” and I corrected her with what the doctor said, “5-9” to which she responded with something like yes that. So, I was wondering all of your takes on the timing.

6

Medical History

On top of been in a slump this week I found out some interesting information from my mother.

My mom called me the yesterday to chat and I decided to ask her more information about her medical history. I had an idea about the majority of what was going on with her: High Blood Pressure, Diabetes, Fibromyalgia, Diverticulitis, Colon Surgery(pre-cancerous), Hyperthyroid(three Parathyroids removed), and the fact that she had over 59 polyps removed from her stomach and esophagus. These things I knew. But then she went into the things I DIDNT know. She has Acid Reflects(which makes sense with the polyps that were removed), a tipped bladder and uterus(thats interesting fact, don’t know if its hereditary), and that she has Endometriosis. That was a surprise! I knew that at one point she got her tubes flushed out after a surgery but i didn’t know that surgery was for Endometriosis.

For those of you that don’t know what that is Here is some information but the definition that site(the mayo clinic) gives is: “Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). Endometriosis most commonly involves your ovaries, bowel or the tissue lining your pelvis. Rarely, endometrial tissue may spread beyond your pelvic region.” Hearing that was very scary and intense. My stomach instantly dropped and I was then petrified for my future. My mom had 2 children before that surgery but she also had a miscarriage before that surgery. After the surgery she had 2 more kids. I know its possible but Im feeling very uneasy about whats going to happen. Obviously, once I got off the phone I started my research and I found THIS on Pinterest and I have most of the symptoms. That made me even more nervous and at that point I decided that I need to have my testing done sooner rather then later. So, I scheduled the appointment. It is set for August 25. So, if I am not pregnant then I will get the testing done where they check my tubes and uterus for any abnormalities. I’m preparing for the worst and hoping for the best! Wish me Luck!!