3

My Second First Doctors Appointment

Today was the day of my Doctor Appointment with the new Doctor. The office looked like every other Doctor’s Office but the sign by the door said Fertility Center. I already felt a little at ease because I was hoping it would only be women in the office in a similar position as us. It wasn’t like when I went to the previous Doctor where there was pregnant woman in there and baby pictures on the wall. There was none of that here which helped me while filling out all the new patient paper work. I wasn’t done with the paper work before I was called to the back by the nurse. She took my weight and brought me into the room. The nurse asked why I was there….we want to have a baby. Then I go into the details of Our Story. She then takes my blood pressure, which was good, then has me finish my paperwork and wait for the doctor.

The doctor came in rather quickly and we were only in the Patient room for a moment before she took me into her office. The Doctor was so adorable. She is probably in her 40’s but looks like she is in her 30’s. She is about 5’6, skinny minny, with chin length curly blackish brown hair that had some grey hairs through it as well. Those grey’s where the only thing that made her look any older. She had very smooth aged porcelain skin, beautiful long eyelashes and very little make up. Not that she needed any. The Doctor has a very natural beauty and a very big smile. I could tell that she was a serious doctor but one that could handle my humor that REALLY turns on when I am nervous. We discussed my problems with the previous doctor: Lack of communication, not on the same page, etc. The Doctor then grabbed a piece of paper and said, ” This is how you make a baby” She drew a stick figured woman but put a big circle to show the lady parts as well as an arrow from the head pointing at the lady parts. The Doctor said that “we need to figure out where the disconnect is in this process. First, the brain tells the body to ovulate, I don’t that there is a problem there because you have had Positive OPK. Then you produce the eggs, the eggs drop, the sperm attaches then that attaches to the wall. These are the parts where we don’t know why you haven’t got pregnant yet.” She said that she wants to do an ultra sound to see whats going on. I said OK and she asked if I was up for that today? I was surprised and then a little confused. I asked very naively, “through the belly ultrasound?” She smiled then shook her head back and forth. “I wasn’t prepared for that…I didn’t prepare for that.” She said that is fine and not to worry at all. She said that doing this will give her a better idea of what I have going on and what path she thinks we should take. I expressed my hesitation but agreed even though I was nervous. I was just expecting a chat, not an ultrasound.

She tells me to empty my bladder then go into the room and (as we have all heard numerous time) undress from the waste down. I get to it. Then nervously wait for her return. She comes into the room and starts a conversation to try to distract me from the lubricant she is applying to the wand she is about to use for the ultrasound. I was very very nervous at that point. I had never had an ultrasound like THAT before. I knew that with this journey, I needed to get used to it! After the initial…..you know….it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Then The Doctor said, ” Your Uterus looks GREAT!” I took that as a compliment but still curiously said Thank you! While she was checking my ovaries there was a little pressure but it wasn’t too bad. The HSG Appt. was much worse. She didn’t say much while looking at my ovaries and then turned the screen for me to look at. She said, ” The uterus looks great, here’s your left ovary full off all those little eggs which is great. It looks exactly like it should(to me it looked like and open Pomegranate). And we go to the right, see how it is all black?” I respond hesitantly, “Yes?” “Well, that is a good thing. That means that you should be ovulating within the next week, right?” and in fact I was supposed to. I was so relieved. I knew the OPK said Yes before but now I have seen it for myself. I was then told to get dressed and go back into her office so we could finish talking.

The Doctor had the ultrasounds printed out. I kind of wanted to take them. I know that there wasn’t a baby but I have always wanted an ultrasound photo with a baby. I didn’t ask, don’t worry. After that we finished out discussion on what the game plan was going to be. The Doctor asked if my previous doctor talked about my glucose level at all. I told her that the previous doctor did say that it was high and pre diabetic but that was it. She said that it was definitely too high. That if it gets any higher than a 6.0 she doesn’t like trying to get people pregnant because of the complications that can happen. That made me heart stop. I don’t know that my levels are at now and then she said she wanted to test my blood again to see where I was at. We will do the blood work today to test my glucose and my thyroid today. Crap! I ate a doughnut and drank Gatorade that morning. I KNOW I KNOW! Worst combination ever and such a horrible idea before a Doctor’s Appointment. Josh and I rarely buy doughnuts and of course I choose to have mine before the appointment. I was so mad at myself. We continued on:

1. Try for this cycle to get  pregnant. After she saw were my ovulation was at for this month she really wants us to try again. I am fine with that, what’s one more month.

2.Josh has to get tested after this ovulation. She said that after this week he has to schedule an appointment. The Doctor also said that the VA should cover it and if they don’t do it there they should cover for Josh to have it done somewhere else. That was a relief.

3. No Surgery for Endo. The Doctor said that it truly looks like I have it but she is not 100% because the only way to check is through the surgery and because I am not having awful symptoms like some do she doesn’t want to do the surgery if she doesn’t have to, which I agree with. Plus, I don’t have the time off to do the surgery so, that works for me.

4. IF this month doesn’t work and Josh’s test come back normal then she thinks the next best step is Clomid with IUI next month. HOLY CRAP! I don’t know what I was expecting, It is the next best step. She said the same thing. The Doctor said that because we have been trying for so long that she thinks this combination is our best chance. She said that since we tried Clomid by itself and it didn’t work she didn’t want to risk just IUI. She obviously mentioned the much higher the odds are of twins which Josh and I are fine with. The next big question:Cost. It is a flat right(like UPS or something) of $482.00 for the wash of his sperm and the Insemination. That obviously doesn’t include the cost of the medications and the doctors appointments for ultrasounds or whatever else they might need from me. I was thinking it will cost around $700 after the bills finally come around.

I felt amazing after the Appointment. I am obviously a little hesitant about the blood results but other than that, cloud 9! We could potentially be pregnant NEXT MONTH! She said to contact her next month if I start my period or if we get pregnant on our own. From there ,if we are not pregnant: we will get the Clomid Prescription(100 mg), take that day 5-9, then people normally ovulate on CD12 (I ovulate late but I don’t think that will stay the same with Clomid) but once I get a positive on the OPK I call the Fertility Center to have the IUI don’t the next day, Josh goes in before me that morning to give his sample, it will be “washed” as in they will separate the good sperm from the bad sperm, and then they do the insemination and I sit on the table for 10 minutes(they are available 7 days a week for insemination).  They said that there is a chance of cramping pain after as well as spotting are common. Two weeks later we test to see if we have a baby. This is happening we are finally in the process of having a baby. I am beyond excited and Josh is too! We bought a bunch of healthier food to try to get this glucose stuff under control as well as continuing going to the gym. We are doing this, we are going to get our family. I just know that we are going to get our baby!

1

Struggle

Sometimes, I struggle understanding people.

When someone who has been through a similar situation to yours, mine, all of our situations and the second that they have a child, they forget. The memories of the pain, of the loss, of the grief, the struggle…it’s all gone. This person never went to a doctor, RE, specialist, or anyone to try to help the process to get pregnant. Eventually she got pregnant on her own. While talking with her about our struggles she would say the things we all hate to hear:  Continuing to talk about how difficult her child can be…”Are you sure you want to have a kid?” “OH, it’s that expensive! You really want to go through all that?” To give you a brief history of myself: I am a mostly Irish and German. I have been told, by numerous people, that I am a firecracker. I do a good job at keeping my temper under control but the majority of time I just blurt out what I am thinking. So, when people continue asking questions like that I just respond with “Yes” and change the subject or continue on talking. I try not to make it a big deal. With this particular person though, SHE HAS BEEN THROUGH THIS! Longer then I have been through this. So, instead of the typical “Yes” i said, “Yes, don’t you remember what it was like? Don’t you remember how bad you wanted it?” And she responded with , “Yea, but I don’t know anymore…its so hard and my baby is such a pain sometimes” It’s like what I said, didn’t even register in her brian. Like, she completely forgot everything. How do you forget that pain? I know people talk about the pain of birth is a minor thought once you have the child, “it’s all worth it” They say. Well, shouldn’t it be that way with your infertility? Should you remember the pain but it all be worth it once you have that baby you have dreamed about for so long. I say this all now and I hope that I don’t become that once I get pregnant. Please put me in check if I ever say something that make me seem like I forgot.

After that fun conversation I wanted a good weekend. My husband and I went to the Auto Show with Em*, her husband, and their two kids. I never put pictures up of us so I decided to take on and put it on here for once. Yes, my husband has a ferocious beard. I am not a fan of the beard. I don’t mind it when it is trimmed but it’s not in this picture. Thing is getting out of control. We had a great time at the Auto Show and didn’t do much the rest of the weekend. Which is exactly what I needed.

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Monday I woke up with a sore throat and throughout work my ear started to bug me as well. By the time Josh got home from work my ear was really bothering me. My throat was like the Sahara desert. It did not matter how much water I drank, nothing was satisfying this dryness. It was about 7:30pm when everything was really bothering me. We were running around and got home at 8:15pm and I was in bed by 8:30pm. I woke up at 11:30pm feeling warm and in a lot of pain. I fell back asleep but woke up again at 12:30am with the same symptoms. I woke up once more at 1:30am and IT WAS AWFUL! I was sweating, freezing, clearly running a fever, and in tremendous pain. I took my temperature to verify the fever and it was confirmed, 100.29. Oh, joy! I have to leave for work at 6am, I don’t know how I am going to do this. I couldn’t fall back asleep. I drank a bottle of water and grabbed a cough drop. The last time I checked my phone it was 3:30am. I was shaking and bundled under my comforter. Josh was sleeping on the couch therefore I had the entire conformer to myself. I wrapped the whole thing all around me and was still shivering. I fell back asleep until 5:00am. I called off work then I stayed awake until 6:00am to wake up Josh for work then took some night-time medicine to try to get some sleep. I slept until 9:30am then went to the Walgreens Take Care Clinic (which I had to pay out-of-pocket because of high deductible/ HSA insurance). I found out I have Strep Throat, the Flu, and to top it off I started my period!!! All in the same day! The nurse practitioner told me to take yesterday and today off to make sure I wasn’t contagious anymore. It has been a struggle over the last 40 hours. I haven’t eaten a meal since Monday at 11am. I have had a half a package of crackers, two granola bars, and a poor attempt at soup this morning. Back to work tomorrow whether I like it or not.

New cycle! Once I get my insurance card I will set up the appointment with my doctor. Until then we will use OPK and PreSeed. It has officially been 2 years ad 6 months into this journey. My goal is to not make it to 3 years. Good Luck to the next month for myself and all of you! CD2 here we go!

7

Ovulation and 2WW

I KNOW, I KNOW…I haven’t been around I had to catch up on over 2 weeks of information from all of you. That took a while. Then I felt I could finally type.

Leaving a job and starting a new one is very stressful. On account of holding a leadership position at the previous job, I was working until the last minute I was there. It was exhausting. Luckily, I was able to take some time off during my last week. At the previous job you had to use the vacation you have earned or you lose it. You are also able to transfer vacation to the next year from the previous. I transferred some time(just in case we got pregnant, that way I could take a little more time off) so I had 23 hours available to use and my manager said I could use it all whenever. Unfortunately, we were understaffed and the only time I could take my vacation was my last week. There was a holiday that week which meant that I was going to work one day; I was OK with that! It was nice to just relax before starting my new job. Now, I have been at my new job officially for a little over two weeks. It is much different from my other jobs but it is in the Operational/Fraud/ Research side so I am loving it! As many of you know when coming into a new job you have to learn EVERYTHING and with a Operational/ Processing type job…that’s a lot! With that said I am also working farther away from home and much earlier in the morning. There have been a lot of adjustments. I am still adjusting to everything. I have been dog tired all the time from all of these changes. I am excited to finally become accustom to the new career and schedule though. I know that this is whats best for our house hold.

As of today: I am on CD23 and 4(maybe 5)DPO.

Now for the 2WW. My app says that I can take a test in 9 days but I want to wait 12 days and my adoring husband wants me to wait and take it in 6 days. I ever so gently told him, “That ain’t happenin, Champ!!!!!” He then told me that he was going to steal my pee…… I couldn’t stop laughing! We also used Pre-Seed this time and I am hoping that helps us. We had used it before but our timing was off for when we thought I was ovulating. My hubby did some research and said that since we know when I ovulate that we should use it again. I love when he says stuff like that. That, “I’ve been researching this too, I want this too, I want to help” kind of stuff! It reminds me that I am not the only one in this relationship that wants a baby. If all goes well I will be testing on the 23rd. If all goes not so well, I am scheduled to start on the 17th. I am still trying to figure out my insurance. They sent me a packet but I have never had to figure out insurance this way so I am a little confused. I need to call my HR/ my future insurance company to find out more. At my last job there was virtual assistance, Alex,  that helped you understand everything that was offered. You would answer questions like: How many doctors’ visits might you have next year, specialist visits, medicines, ER visits, and others like that. Then he would compare the different plans and suggest the one that best fit you. It made everything very user friendly for someone like me. They offer a few different providers as well, I think. We know what plan we are going with but I don’t know how to decide which provider. I have to figure it out soon though. We need to do this appointment to figure out whats next. Have a good rest of the week everyone!

QUESTIONS:

How long do you ovulate for?

How to you measure DPO if its more then one day?

I assume you use the last day, right? Do you only test by how late your period is or by how many DPO you are?

What should I look for in my new insurance?

Any providers that I should avoid or that you prefer?

4

Cramps, Bloating and Excuses

3 days late

Got to CD 30

Got to 14 DPO

Also got my period

Yup…that happened!

Saturday: I was supposed to start on Valentine’s Day. Nothing.

Sunday: I had very little spotting, very little(Brown). Mostly in the morning. I was hoping that was just implantation.

Monday: Spotting again. Mostly in the morning again. Very little again(Pink). Right side pelvic pain. I got a little nervous at that point but was still hopeful that it was just implantation.

Today(Tuesday):

Today I woke up to nothing. Then it all started. The cramps, lower back pain, bloating. Went to the bathroom later and well to quote Taylor Swift , “All I see is Red, Re-e-e-ed” So much for this month.

I did purchase a pregnancy test for this month because Josh really really wanted me too. I look at it as now we have one in the house for the future. I am not one of those that has a bulk amount in the house. I don’t like having them around because I don’t want the reminder of NO. I will take a PT when I am significantly late. I already get that NO every month I don’t need to pee on a stick and way 3-5 minutes to hear it too. I am fine with my OPK Negatives because I know now that I have a positive that will happen with those. Frankie* gave me some information on buying OPK on Amazon. I may purchase those to have for next month but I don’t think that I will get them for this month.

We finally heard something about VA money coming through. We will finally stop having delays in this TTC Quest. We will be getting a new roof, new carpet, and pay off some debt. We will decide on the insurance and then FINALLY be able to move forward with getting us pregnant. Finally no more delays and excuses but in the end its about one thing holding us back: Money. But now we will finally be in a place that I will feel comfortable bringing a baby into this house. No leaks into the living room or remnant carpet in the living room. It will be a home. Time to get this thing going.

2

2WW…Finally

When we finally started using the OPK I knew what I was looking for BUT was getting very annoyed because all I was seeing was this:

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With the conversations Josh and I were having about ,”What to do if you don’t ovulate” I was getting unbelievably nervous. What if I don’t ovulate? I mean, I know that it has been 2 years(and 5 months) and we have never checked that before. I know now that we should have just bit the bullet and bought the OPKs earlier but now that we were using them I was scared that I didn’t. I don’t know why I was worried because from the BPT I knew I ovulated late. It’s still trying on the soul when you keep seeing that BFN every day or twice a day!

One morning before work I forgot to test and knew that while I was at work I needed to not use the restroom at least an hour and a half before I left work. That way I gave myself the time to take the test right when I got home. I come home, chat with Josh for a moment, then go to the restroom. I set a timer because I will either A. sit there forever and wait for an answer or B. forget about the test and miss the result. When I hear the timer go off. i trot to the restroom with no particular thought in mind. I was just blank because every other time it was negative. I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

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I Screamed!!!! Holy Sh#t! BOO, YES, IT SAYS YES, I OVULATE, IT SAYS YES, LETS DO THIS!!!! I was excited to put it lightly. CD17 this time. We both agreed that we are going to buy these for the next few months and still can’t figure out why we didn’t buy them sooner. With the Clomid we were always focused on doing it early. We even changed the time we took it to an earlier time to see if that would help. Obviously not. Josh thinks that because we were always focused on the early part of the cycle that maybe it truly was bad timing. To a point I agree but with how long it has been I don’t know if I fully agree with that. It can’t just be “bad timing”

With my new job and not knowing how the insurance works there we figured that for now OPK are our best shot until we figure out my insurance in March. I get all the insurance information on my first day(February 23rd) we will determine what to do from there. As I said before, my doctor wants to meet so that is the first step or get 2nd opinion then go from there.

I am supposed to start on Valentines Day…so romantic. Way to ruin everything Flo! In a week we will see what happens. Let’s get the BFP!!!

2

Why Did You Do That Dove?

If you are like everyone else is the world I am assuming most of you saw that Super Bowl. And with the Super Bowl comes the commercials. There were a lot of serious commercials and some funny ones as well. I liked the BMW i3 commercial and the Fiat one with the Viagra pill. Both cute commercials to lighten the intense game. The Nationwide commercial was extreme for me but definitely memorable, probably what they were going for. Obviously we have Budweiser. That dog…gets me every time! Josh said last years commercial was better but I thought this year Budweiser did just as well. I teared up, that little guy could have been eaten if it wasn’t for those Clydesdales. For me the most memorable commercial was Doves. Now most people probably wouldn’t say that or even remember the commercial compared to the others. Watching the TV intently through the commercials and I see this adorable baby jumping into Daddy’s arms in a pool. Then they continue with another adorable baby calling to Daddy…and it goes on and on with that.

Once that ultrasound was up I started to tear up, then the girl hugs her dad crying and I was done. I tried to hide it but Josh was sitting in the chair next to me and knew. He got out of the chair and crawled over to me. He hugged me and just asked the obvious question, “What’s wrong babe?” I tried to pull myself together but the second he hugged me and I felt his embrace the tears were flowing. “I want to give you a baby that can call Daddy out to you.” He just looked at me, smiled, and said ,”You will”. At that point the game came back on and I was doing everything to get him to his chair so I could pick up the pieces this Dove commercial crumbled for me. I said, “The game is back on….you are going to miss it.”  He held me tight and said, “I don’t care.” It was so sweet for him to drop everything except me. I love him so much it is unbelievable. He may not be that emotional or say all the gushing things but when it comes down to it he really tries to be that sensitive guy with the shoulder I need. He has been wonderful through this and I really am grateful for him.

Since I have been taking the OPK I have had nothing but BFN and its become a little frustrating. With this stupid app that I have it showed today as my last ovulation day and nothing. Now, when I took my temperature it showed that I ovulate late. I am hoping that I ovulate closer to CD 17-19. Seeing as CD 12-16 don’t feel like working with me. Another Josh moment I adore. As we were talking about this yesterday he was asking if its possible for me to not ovulate. I respond with a Yes. He then asked what would happen if I didn’t. I explained that it depends on what corse we/the doctors want to take. I could be but on Meds or need shots or nothing. Josh responded with a simple, “OK, I have no problem giving you shots if that’s what you need.” Thanks for that because I don’t think I could do it myself.

Today it decided to down pour some snow on to us Ohioans so when Josh and I spoke this morning it was about our awful drives to work and just making sure we both made it ok. I then get a random text from Josh in the middle of the day that said, “A menstrual period can occur even if ovulation has not occurred. Ovulation can occur even if a menstrual period has not occurred. Mind Blown.” I call him, “…someone has been doing some reading.” We simply chuckle at each other. He said that he had been thinking about it and decided to do some reading. He found that I could be ovulating right before my period “so maybe it was bad timing.” I hate that phrase but for once he could be right. We would never mess around close to my period for the messy reasons that we don’t want to happen. Who knows(I will in a few days, hopefully) maybe I could ovulate later then the usual Joe! Lets all hope for some BFP in the future, this girl needs to ovulate!

2

Now I Feel Confused and Foolish

No surgery for me…for now…I think!

Originally when I spoke with Lisa* she was saying I could get the surgery Tuesday(27th) or depending on my cycle in February sometime at the end of February. My manager was sick and when he finally came back on Saturday(24th) He said, “Don’t worry about this place. Do what you have to do. Just see if you can get it done next week and we will go from there.” Don’t have to tell me twice.

I contacted my Doctors Office on Monday morning to see if I could still go in for the surgery on Tuesday(Crazy, I know). I realized I was speaking with Lisa* so I asked her about the Cycle Days with the surgery. She said that surgery had to be done between CD 5-11. She said that it was highly unlikely that I would be able to get into the surgery that quick. She finally called me back at about 11AM. Hello Lisa* Tell me something good! Lisa* tells me that, “since the Doctor hasn’t seen you since the HSG she isn’t going to do the surgery because you need pre-testing to verify that you need the surgery. She doesn’t want to cut for no reason. So, she said let’s schedule an appointment to discuss what you want to do next.”

…….

Though I am grateful she doesn’t want to cut into me for no reason and I was skeptical about just going right into a surgery without pre-surgery testing. I am a little confused and feel rather foolish. I have been talking to them for almost 2 weeks about this. Why wasn’t something said sooner about not doing the surgery until after I spoke with her sooner? Or why didn’t the doctor say something when I messaged her to get information on the surgery? The doctor told me at the HSG that because it came back normal that this is the next test she wanted to do. I completely understand that I need pre-testing but let’s just schedule that. I don’t want to waste time with us chatting…AGAIN for me to come back for another visit after that to get this going. I just want us to figure this out.

There is another potential obstacle for us as well. I have applied for a new job a few weeks ago and did a final interview today. I think that all went well! It is a bit of a drive but its a pay increase and if I do get the job it is a great opportunity to move up in banking. I want to go back to school and it is much more of a possibility if I get out of the branch side of banking; this would be a move to the operational, back end of banking. I am hoping for the best BUT it is yet another delay in the TTC journey because of the delay in insurance.

I was talking with Josh about this tonight. We are going to get him tested in March; when his insurance through his work kicks in. We are FINALLY going to start using OPT(Ovulation Prediction Kit). I know I am way behind the times for someone that has been TTC for over 2 years. I just got some First Response ones from a friend but I was wondering:

-What OPK do you guys prefer?

-Where do you buy them from? (They can be pretty expensive)

-Is there a better time to test?

As I said, I am behind the times. The past 2 I took I got “?”. The first one I think was my fault…I MAY have unclipped it in a nervous frustration while waiting for the answer! I swear it was way more then 5 minutes. BUT the second time I think I did everything right and still got a “?”.  I know what OPKs are but I haven’t looked into them too much because of the price but now….With all these delays and insurance and new job and house repairs and anything else that can and will happen. I don’t want to keep allowing these delays to hold us back. I want to do everything I can to get us a baby.

Any other advice for someone who:

-Has normal blood work(boarder line diabetic is the only thing)

-6 rounds of Clomid- Fail

-And Negative HSG Results(Right ovary was a little far away, long right tube)

I am open to any suggestions on opinions I was even thinking of posting my Blood work results on here to see what people think. Maybe next post. I am tired! =] Let me know what you guys are thinking!