5

Josh’s Urology Appointment

It has been so long….

Nothing has been going on. We were told by my doctor that due to Josh’s numbers being low that we were to wait and see what happen with his thyroid medicine to see if that made a difference in his numbers. The only problem with that is that his doctor requires him to be on each dose for 3 months before checking his thyroid numbers to see if they have improved at all. Josh has been able to get the doctor to move the dosage sooner because he noticed no difference and his thyroid numbers weren’t moving very much so the doctor has made some exceptions. This also mean there has been no baby appointments since July…..which was kind of nice to be honest. I only stressed a few times about it but it was nice to not be worrying everyday, expecting my period, not being depressed when it came. It was a little relief to get a break again. Obviously it was frustrating to have everything on hold again but I accepted it.

During this little break I found out a friend of Josh’s was pregnant with twins from IVF and she works at the same company as me. I decided to pry a little to get some information. She had told me that they were trying for 2 1/2 years and once they went to a doctor they found out her husbands count was low, 3 Million. They did six rounds of clomid, three rounds of femara, one laprascopic surgery, four failed IUI’s, and one round of IVF. I don’t remember what the laprascopic was for, I believe her tubes where clogged, but I can’t remember. She told me that her husband was put on vitamins from his doctor to improve his count. Just vitamins you can buy at a local grocery store. This concoction improved his count from 3 Million to 80 Million in just three months. HOLY COW. I bought those the next week. It cost 35 dollars. Two of the bottles lasted a month and the other 2 have about a month left. I also asked her about the cost of the IVF. I already knew how much IUI would cost and even though we are going though different facilities I was just curious since we work for the same company and use the same insurance. She said that it was the 9,800 down before the procedure could be done. From there the meds cost anywhere from 2,800 to 5,000 dollars. She stated that her cost 2,800(If I have to I hope it’s the same). Then there is the doctors appointments, blood work and ultra sound that are covered under insurance but you have to pay the difference for. It’s just nice to have a price point in mind if it ever gets to that. I also didn’t know that you could claim that on your taxes which I though was awesome. I obviously don’t know the details but its nice to know that going through all this that we can at least get something back for it, financially. I hope it doesn’t get to that point and that we can do this ourselves or with IUI.

Josh had his appointment this past Monday with a urologist. It was just like any other first appointment where not much happened. They did an exam on him, ask us numerous questions, and Josh gave a sample for a semen analysis since the last one was from May. Josh has been taking those vitamins for the last month so I am hoping it made some what of a difference. His doctor said they will do the semen analysis, they will do a DNA test to verify his supply is good, and they want to do blood work. Josh still needs to do the scan and the blood work but we are just waiting on results right now. The DNA test takes about 3 weeks to get the results. Hopefully, everything is good and we can do IUI the end of November. My cycle decided to go haywire this month and come 9 days early. It is kind of good though because that moved my ovulation to occur after we get his results. Though that was very annoying it is kind of a blessing in disguise.

My periods have been awful lately. They are so painful. The day before I am in pain and the day of I am dying. I noticed that I have pains on the right side every month. It never alternated which I found odd. The pain in my lower back is constant, it is a really intense pressure and sometimes shooting pain that happens every month. It doesn’t matter what I take or drink or do that never goes away. The second day it isn’t too bad. I really don’t want them to test for Endo until after at least one round of IUI(if it gets to that) but I think that it might be necessary. Prepare for TMI: I have pain during sex and its worse after, awful (lower back and lower abdomen) pain during and before periods,(painful) diarrhea during and before periods, and Bloating during and after periods. More recently inconsistent periods and bleeding in-between periods. The pain I have during my periods knocks me out. The lower back and lower abdomen pain makes me not want to get out of bed at all. But I have to. I can’t call off work every month. I don’t know what to do. I am going to try to just grin and bear it until after we get Josh’s test results back. Until then. We wait.

5

Holidaze

Lets get this out of the way: I had my period the beginning of December. Now that THAT is out of the way; November and December haven’t been to bad. They have had their downs FOR SURE but nothing crazy! November was exhausting from my promotion at work. There is never enough time in the day to do anything. I struggle each day to accomplish everything that needs to be done. In November I was working at 2 different locations for most of the month so that made things even more difficult. My Husband bought me flowers, which he rarely ever does, AND he had them delivered to my work(Bonus Point). Josh has never done that for me before so it was truly amazing. During that time my good friend Lynn*, had a polyps removed from her uterus so hopefully she can get back to the TTC game. In, November we spent a lot of time with Em* and her 2 amazing kids; almost every weekend. It was great I adore that family. November is mostly a blur. But then December…Winter is Coming….(Sorry I’m not sorry for saying that)

December was positive until the end. December flew by and as everyone said, “with Thanksgiving being late it made December and Christmas seem earlier then expected.” So True! We struggled to get all the presents bought this year for everyone. I also took a trip to Columbus to watch my brother get sworn in to be a Police Officer which was a great way to start off my December. For whatever reason, I was feeling extremely optimistic about ovulation and this cycle. I have no medical reason to feel that way but I did. Maybe it was the Christmas spirit(I love Christmas time.) I don’t know but in my mind it was going to be good. “It’s the end of the year and now is the time. This is going to happen!” That was what I was saying to myself all the time. All was well, feeling positive, Christmas shopping and Christmas was in full swing. I came home one day after work and came on here to read up on all the blogs. My phone had died at work, was on silent, and I forgot to plug it in when I got home. I was watching my Criminal Minds on Netflix and reading blogs. I was starting to get a mild headache(I was REALLY behind on the blogs,  I am a slow reader, so I had been on here for about two hours) I decided to jump over to off the blogs and look at Facebook for a minute before bed at around 1030PM. I was glancing through when I saw a post from my cousin. I skimmed over the post and was reading about sorrow, how strong my grandma was, the multiple medical problems and surgeries, and how my grandma and his mom(who passed away 3 years ago) dancing together now….WHAT? WAIT…WHAT HAPPEN? My grandma has been in a nursing home for a while with medical problems so its not like this was out of nowhere but we where hoping for her to make it through the holidays. I run to my phone with adrenaline racing through my body. I grab my phone and have 4 missed calls from my dad, 1 from my cousin, 1 from my cousins wife, and 1 from my mom. I go to listen to my dads voicemail and my phone dies. I am then racing around the house frantically searching for my phone charger. I finally find it and call my dad back. I simply begin the conversation with, “I think I know what happened.” His voice was full of pain. He explained his side of the story. The grandma was feeling great so they did some legal stuff, sent out her Christmas cards, and she was getting ready for the Christmas party the nursing home she was in was throwing that night. My dad had some running around to do so he said he would come back to take her later. He then got the call and her heart had stopped. It was running at 40% for a while so once it stopped there was no starting it back up. I just wanted to get off the phone. I didn’t want to talk about it anymore. I didn’t want to talk to anyone or function or think or breath. I just wanted to cry. So, we hung up and thats what I did. My husband was asleep and is a heavy sleeper so he had no clue what was going on. I then decide to call my Cousin’s Wife to talk. She is an amazing person and adore her. We connect on a different level because she also had TTC difficulties but after a year and a half she has a beautiful baby boy. Once she answered the phone and asked how I was doing I lost it. We were discussing details and trying to figure things out. After that day everything went down hill from there.

My grandma passed away on Wednesday December 17, 2014. Thursday I drove down to Akron to help my dad figure out when the Funeral and Wake would be, get her an outfit, write the obituary, and whatever else needed to be done. It was a very rough day trying to get my dad to make any decisions. I can empathize that this was my dad’s last living immediate relative besides myself that has passed: His father, Sister, and Mother have all died. This has to be extremely difficult. But he also made things extremely difficult for everyone else. He would not decide on when to have the funeral and wake. During that time because my other cousin wasn’t responding to my dad so he said he wouldn’t decide on a day until he heard from that other cousin. My cousins live in Florida so my father was trying to accommodate them. I told my dad that since he hasn’t got back to any of us just pick a day and he can figure it out. Its now “Friday night, lets get this going, he’s just dodging you” My dad then said, “What, like you where dodging me the night she died?” I LOST MY S#%T!!!!!!!! I started screaming at my dad. Are you kidding me? Thats what you think I was doing? I understand we don’t have a great relationship but you think I was avoiding the four phone calls and voicemails? You think I was “dodging” you  when I helped pick out her outfit, write the obituary, and give you days to do this…thats me avoiding you? I cursed and yelled and I know that I probably shouldn’t have with the mental state I could imagine that he was in. He was trying to laugh it off like it was a joke. I told him, “Don’t laugh its not funny, don’t ever compare me like that. You have no right! I did nothing wrong because my phone was dead, it was not a malicious thing I was doing on purpose because I knew what was going on. Don’t you ever talk to me like that again!” And insert cursing wherever it fits…or doesn’t!

Luckily my step daughters band concert was in the middle of all that so I got a small release. A small escape from the negative world I was surrounded by. Needless to say I messed around with my husband Saturday night and Sunday morning(the day of the wake) to blood…on CD15…11(ish) days early. WHAT? I was freaking out so I instantly started texting nurse friends and other friends to find out what they think. Most thought it was that I was pregnant. I was trying to stay realistic about it but I found myself getting excited…in-between the awful cramps I was experiencing. After talking with other people they said stress which I had plenty of. I got it together and went to the wake. I called my doctor the next day and they confirmed. STRESS. “If it stays longer, more painful, more blood, etc. go to the doctor.” I got my “random period” as the doctor called it. So, much for my positive attitude, its going to happen, “we got this” kind of attitude. After having my grandma’s funeral on my 27th birthday and my random period I have decided 2014 Sucked!!!! I had a wonderful Christmas but besides that I AM OVER IT! To new beginnings and a wonderful 2015. May the TTC train end this year for all of us and we get to the Baby Station in 2015. I am going to blog more often. Today was a more personal update but I will get back to the TTC Blog! Glad to see that most of you are doing well!