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Is February Over Yet?

This month has been very rough. It’s a short month but it didn’t hold back at all. Work has been pretty stressful, my husband has been traveling a lot, the weather has been insane, and I started my period today. Ehh! Needless to say I am glad its almost done. I have also been very nervous and stressed waiting for Josh to do his test along with waiting for the results.  We finally got them back

Blood Test- Testosterone: 488 ng/dl (Low, Improved), Luteinizing: 10 mU/mL (Improved), FSH: 10.6 mU/mL(High)

Sperm Test- Semen PH: 7.2 (Low, Same), Concentration(After Removing “Bad Sperm): 2.4 (Million, Low, Decreased), Total Count: 8.78 (Million, Low, Decreased), Total Motile Sperm(What Doctors can use): 4.74 (Low, Decreased), Motility: 54% (Good, Same), Sperm Morphology: 6% (Low), AmOrphology Sperm: 79% (High, Improved by decreasing)

Josh’s Doctor also said to continue taking these vitamins for another 4-6 weeks, retest, and then discuss options such as IUI, Freezing Sperm, and IVF.

So, Thats where we are at. I had Josh’s urologist send this information to my RE. I got the call from her today. She asked if the Urologist made any suggestions and I told her the above. She said, ” first of all this is a normal change in sperm. Sometimes numbers can fluctuate that much…but…this is still low.” I became a little tense when she said that. I asked the minimum that we would need to be able to do IUI. I have heard numerous different numbers but the lowest was 8 Million, is that true? She said that they do prefer that people walk in, before the wash, with 15 million. BUT all they really need is 1 Million after the wash. WOW! That is not what I expected to hear. Then she said what I expected to hear, “You should both start talking and thinking about IVF.” THERE IT IS. I knew it was coming but it still hit me like a ton of bricks. I told the doctor that I know that IVF is expensive and IUI is only about $700 after all is said and done. But is it smart for us to even try IUI and waste that $700 that we could put toward IVF? I know it isn’t much but its still $700 toward the $15,000.00 that we need to do IVF. She responded the best way. “I won’t have you do IUI if I don’t think it has a chance of working.” I felt like she had our back when she said that. She said that she believes that there is 1 Million available out of Josh’s count. I then said,” Not to be a pessimist but if that doesn’t work what do we need to walk in to do the IVF?” She told me that she requires the couple to come in and meet with her to go over everything IVF. The appointment will take about 45 minutes to go over everything and that we could talk about IUI as well. We can get all the information about both procedures. Perfect and intimidating. This is a lot of information to take in but not as much as we will get at this appointment coming up. Something I don’t think I have mentioned is that: we won a trip to Hawaii!!!  We will be gone in April right after we get Josh tested and hopefully after we get his results. That way we can really think things over and do which ever we decide in May because I will be in Hawaii if my cycle doesn’t completely screw up. Those were the orders from the Doctor as well. She said to take this time to get ready for our trip, get Josh Tested again, hopefully get the results before we leave and enjoy the trip. She also said that we could do the IVF appointment ahead of time. To have all the information for when we come back. Josh has to look at his schedule for us to schedule the appointment to reify he will be in town. We will do that as soon as possible.

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I feel better about the situation. Obviously, I am nervous to do IUI because of Josh’s count. But if the doctor says it might work…thats HUGE! On the same hand IVF is so expensive. It isn’t even a guarantee. There is so much to think about and I’m excited to get this appointment set up. I am so sick of waiting.

 

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More Results Are In

We got the Semen Analysis back and the results where not as planned.

On Thursday I called the doctor, behind Josh’s back, to see if the results were in yet. The Nurse said they were and she would have the doctor call Josh. I told Josh that and he text me shortly before he got off work to tell me he heard from the doctor. I asked, ” Good or Bad News?” He responded with, “Both”. I had been freaking out most of the day and was feeling a little better once I saw the word both. Josh was asking where I wanted to go to dinner because we were going out. I was curious by this because either things are good or bad. He finally got off work and called me. He then said, ” Well, the results…” I was confused, ” Oh, we are doing this now? OK…what did he say?” So He told me that he count dropped again to 2 Million now. He said his motility went up and the doctor wants a blood test to see where his testosterone is at. If that went down or remained the same that isn’t good. If it went up its a good sign. We have to wait for those results. He said that the doctor said that we may be able to do IUI which I know is not true. The 2 doctors I have dealt with at 2 different facilities require a minimum of 8-15 Million. Both a lot higher than what we are working with. The doctor also said to continue taking the vitamins in the mean time. I asked what the next steps could be? Josh said he kind of stopped listening after he heard his count went down again but, “from the sounds of it, there isn’t much more after this. Something about freezing them that might help if it gets too low.” I started crying in the car while driving to the restaurant. We obviously decided not to go after that. I finally got Josh off the phone so I could have a melt down. All I was thinking was that we aren’t going to be able to have children. It scared the Hell out of me. We talked it over a little over a few days. We said that we will get all the results and send them to the RE to tell us out options. I am hoping we can do this over the phone and they don’t make us wait for an appointment to go to the office to sit with her. If we aren’t sure of what options we are given we will seek a second option. From there we were also talking a lot about adoption. We are both very open to it. I told Josh that I would need to grieve if we can’t have children together but I am very open to adoption.

I am still processing the information. Honestly, I am a bit of a mess. Every time I think about it I get emotional. Whether its crying, becoming silent, shutting down, not talking, avoiding people….or all of it. I try to joke and laugh it off but every once in a while I can’t. I am a very positive person but with this. It hurts me and I can’t be myself. I don’t have an answer to focus my energy on. The WHAT IF is killing me and I will feel so much better once we know our options. Until then I just have to work on feeling like myself again. Josh has also been amazing. When I try to ask how he is feeling he goes SPOCK on me and asked about me instead. He keeps saying, ” I am worried about you because I want this but I know you REALLY want this.” He feels bad about the situation. I try to remind him that this isn’t his fault, he didn’t do this on purpose and it isn’t HIS FAULT. We are in this together. But He’s not really hearing me. I am hoping, sometime soon, I can get some emotion out of him to know how he is really feeling about this whole thing.

To sum things up: We don’t have any official numbers yet but we know Josh’s Count dropped from 4.5 Million to 2 Million and his motility went up.  Waiting for results to talk to the RE.

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My Cycle Insight

I believe that I am about to start my period. Which is fine because I know that I am not pregnant. But I am only on CD22. My back is really starting to hurt which is my sign that it’s about to go down. My regular cycles were around 26 days but they have been very sporadic lately. I use an app to keep track of my periods and when I took OPKs I tracked those as well. Here are the results of how many days my last few cycles have been:

18, 26, 28, 25, 24, 26

I don’t get it. As I stated before, they are also much more painful. I always put that the pain is on the right side, fatigue, cramping, back pain, diarrhea, and bloating. The pain is awful and hard to handle but would be much easier to deal with if my cycles where a little more consistent. Once we get all of Josh’s test results back I am going to talk to my doctor about all my issues.

We are also trying to plan a vacation. For once, we are taking time to ourselves to have a vacation. Not worrying about “IF” I am going to be pregnant or anything like that. Just planning and going with the flow. I am hoping that we find out Josh’s results this week. So we can talk with the doctors for our next steps.

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Josh’s Urology Appointment

It has been so long….

Nothing has been going on. We were told by my doctor that due to Josh’s numbers being low that we were to wait and see what happen with his thyroid medicine to see if that made a difference in his numbers. The only problem with that is that his doctor requires him to be on each dose for 3 months before checking his thyroid numbers to see if they have improved at all. Josh has been able to get the doctor to move the dosage sooner because he noticed no difference and his thyroid numbers weren’t moving very much so the doctor has made some exceptions. This also mean there has been no baby appointments since July…..which was kind of nice to be honest. I only stressed a few times about it but it was nice to not be worrying everyday, expecting my period, not being depressed when it came. It was a little relief to get a break again. Obviously it was frustrating to have everything on hold again but I accepted it.

During this little break I found out a friend of Josh’s was pregnant with twins from IVF and she works at the same company as me. I decided to pry a little to get some information. She had told me that they were trying for 2 1/2 years and once they went to a doctor they found out her husbands count was low, 3 Million. They did six rounds of clomid, three rounds of femara, one laprascopic surgery, four failed IUI’s, and one round of IVF. I don’t remember what the laprascopic was for, I believe her tubes where clogged, but I can’t remember. She told me that her husband was put on vitamins from his doctor to improve his count. Just vitamins you can buy at a local grocery store. This concoction improved his count from 3 Million to 80 Million in just three months. HOLY COW. I bought those the next week. It cost 35 dollars. Two of the bottles lasted a month and the other 2 have about a month left. I also asked her about the cost of the IVF. I already knew how much IUI would cost and even though we are going though different facilities I was just curious since we work for the same company and use the same insurance. She said that it was the 9,800 down before the procedure could be done. From there the meds cost anywhere from 2,800 to 5,000 dollars. She stated that her cost 2,800(If I have to I hope it’s the same). Then there is the doctors appointments, blood work and ultra sound that are covered under insurance but you have to pay the difference for. It’s just nice to have a price point in mind if it ever gets to that. I also didn’t know that you could claim that on your taxes which I though was awesome. I obviously don’t know the details but its nice to know that going through all this that we can at least get something back for it, financially. I hope it doesn’t get to that point and that we can do this ourselves or with IUI.

Josh had his appointment this past Monday with a urologist. It was just like any other first appointment where not much happened. They did an exam on him, ask us numerous questions, and Josh gave a sample for a semen analysis since the last one was from May. Josh has been taking those vitamins for the last month so I am hoping it made some what of a difference. His doctor said they will do the semen analysis, they will do a DNA test to verify his supply is good, and they want to do blood work. Josh still needs to do the scan and the blood work but we are just waiting on results right now. The DNA test takes about 3 weeks to get the results. Hopefully, everything is good and we can do IUI the end of November. My cycle decided to go haywire this month and come 9 days early. It is kind of good though because that moved my ovulation to occur after we get his results. Though that was very annoying it is kind of a blessing in disguise.

My periods have been awful lately. They are so painful. The day before I am in pain and the day of I am dying. I noticed that I have pains on the right side every month. It never alternated which I found odd. The pain in my lower back is constant, it is a really intense pressure and sometimes shooting pain that happens every month. It doesn’t matter what I take or drink or do that never goes away. The second day it isn’t too bad. I really don’t want them to test for Endo until after at least one round of IUI(if it gets to that) but I think that it might be necessary. Prepare for TMI: I have pain during sex and its worse after, awful (lower back and lower abdomen) pain during and before periods,(painful) diarrhea during and before periods, and Bloating during and after periods. More recently inconsistent periods and bleeding in-between periods. The pain I have during my periods knocks me out. The lower back and lower abdomen pain makes me not want to get out of bed at all. But I have to. I can’t call off work every month. I don’t know what to do. I am going to try to just grin and bear it until after we get Josh’s test results back. Until then. We wait.